The one about the destination and (thankfully) not the journey

I've been meaning to write this for a while. About summer and summer vacations, as I watched my friends and co-workers, take off for their annual retreats. Somehow, I cannot come to associate july or august with summer.For me, summer, will always be those two glorious months - April & May- the mischievous siblings and of lazing out in the sun, of feeling your skin turn brown and crispy, of guarding grandma's rice crispies, drying in the sun, from crows while reading comics, of improvising ice candies from frozen rasna and yes, of a big ol family vacation to the nether region of the country.

That's the beauty of hindsight I guess, that you can reminisce about family vacations with fondness, sitting under a quilt, half way across the world. When in reality, our summer vacation plans always managed strike a deep fear in my heart, primarily due to the machinations of my mother,who was the chief architect of all our vacations and ofcourse, her ole faithful the government of India.

I can't confirm for sure, but I think my mother developed a deep, unabiding wanderlust after she went on a sabbatical to europe when I was 6 years old and visited about a dozen countries. After that she was never quite the same and every summer, something deep within her soul rebelled and we found ourselves on a "vacation" in the boondocks of the country. Her vacation rumination usually began in March, usually when we would watch the 9PM news as a family and some news article like a terror attack in Kashmir or workers strike in west bengal would trigger her wanderlust and she would announce to all of us at the dinner table that our vacation that year would be to Jammu or Darjeeling. My brother and I would look at each other and then look at the food on the plate and seriously consider the probability of death by choking because anything was preferable to my mother's idea of a vacation.

See my parents were both government employees and the government of India has this policy of reimbursing travel for vacation for its dear minions and the said minions rightfully abused this policy to the hilt, choosing the farthest possible spot on the map. And so, even though we could not afford to travel to the far corners of the country ordinarily, the government of India, aided my mother's plans like a faithful but stupid accomplice. Yes the tax payers of this fine nation were funding the trip but who cares about the tax payer, fuck 'em! So she would proceed to book train tickets to places like Sikkim (1200 KM away), which entailed travelling by train for 3 days and eating train food for 3 days and then rightfully puking the train food for 3 days. I still haven't forgiven the kitchen at Behrampur station in Orissa, for making me puke for 4 hours after eating the food cooked there.I even remember, standing over the vibrating aluminium sink in the compartment and praying to god for all this to end. Deliver me from vacations instead of evil. So you can understand why my brother and I were about as thrilled as a bunch of hostages in a bank heist as far as my mother's vacation plans were concerned.

The government reimbursement policy was valid only once every two years so in the intervening years my mother would plan outrageous road trips because, get this, the Gov of India would also reimburse fuel costs! So into the hinterlands we went, in our car, a spritely Premier Padmini, my brother and I in the back seat and my mom collecting obscure plant samples on the way to assuage her botanist soul. We once went to this place called Bharvati, in interior Karnataka where I was promised a most splendid waterfall. We travelled for two days, 8 hours everyday, where my brother and I decided to play 20 questions to kill time. Long story short he always chose some obscure cricketer and I chose some obscure african dictator and we both accused each other of cheating and my mother shushed us and put some of her obcure plant specimens in between to keep us from killing each other.There is nothing worse than sitting next to your arch nemesis and being powerless to do anything because of the intervening, annoying fronds of an ugly plant. And when we reached Bhadravati all grumpy, the waterfall turned out to be a piddly little sprinkle. Yes, road trips were as fun as a beach trip to hell.

But even if the journeys themselves sucked and I almost died (inevitably due to throwing up regularly) she did take us to magnificent places in the country. Places you would never believe could ever exist or Places so different that it didn't seem like it belonged to the Indian polity. I remember visiting an ancient 9th century Buddhist Monastery in Sikkim when I was 9 years old and feeling like my world had been turned upside down. Seeing the monks, watching Buddhism at work, it seemed so removed from the conventional India. The India that was familiar to me. Seeing the mighty Himalayas was another such experience as well. The Himalayas looked so bad ass that they seemed to say "Fuck you guys, we're here to stay." The Himalayas are majestic yes but don't believe anyone who calls them serene. That's bull. The Himalayas to me always seemed to me like a bunch of bad ass motor cyclists who invaded town and for some reason decided to stay.They could be mean if they wanted to but decided not to. But they still evoked stifled awe and fear at their bad assery.

Another unforgettable moment was when I was on an abandoned island in the Andaman & Nicobar archipelago (Yes, again a gift from Government of India). I remember walking up the stairs of an old church that was crumbling and had Ivy running all around it. When I reached the top, I saw a deer at the altar, with crumbling stained glass and a peek of the azure waters, for a background. It still is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen and I was utterly spellbound! I blinked for a second and it was gone. No it wasn't an apparition but some idiot tourist had also sneaked up behind me and had decided to take a photo, all flashes blazing. I hate moronic tourists! Of course the deer ran away, and it occurred to me that you know you're on an island when the animals behave better than the humans.

The moronicity of tourists is something I could rant about for ages. We were once on a safari in a forest in southern India and we chanced upon a Lady Elephant shepherding her baby calf. Promptly all the tourists in the Jeep got out their long telescopic lenses and started clicking photos in a mad frenzy, so much so that she started chasing our jeep in anger. And what did the adults do? they continued to click pictures!! Would you really want to incite a female elephant who looked like she had just gotten off a bad date with a poacher the previous night? But I digress..

All those road trips and train journeys were nothing short of epic. It made us the individuals -my brother and I - we are today. We changed on a fundamental thanks to those trips. We became fascinated with cultures and people different from us, we learned to revel and partake in realities that were different from our conventional lives. We learned to respect difference of opinions and to treat divergent cultures with deference.That's why we both are the travel junkie nomads that we are, making a life for ourselves in distant lands. Most of all, what it showed was how beautiful our country was and how fortunate we were to see all shades of it - the beaches, islands, mountains and desert. That in itself was priceless.

Stuff!

The laundry list of "stuff" that's keeping me busy, not that anybody cares even though I'd like to envision my reader as awaiting updates with bated breadthand sitting on pins! Hey I can dream right?

1. First, got my hair straightened over the weekend.My stylist, correction, my soulmate stylist (every woman should have one, THE ONE and the ONLY ONE that GETS you and more importantly YOUR HAIR! more important to have than a spouse or boyfriend. Trust me!), err well, moving on, she suggested that I do a brazilian keratin treatment, and so without a second thought, I said sure, why not? Gosh, I can be so trusting sometimes. So she literally dabbed every strand of my hair with some concoction containing formaldehyde (!!!) and lo, behold, it is straight now! well almost..But oddly enough, this whole process made me reminisce about my childhood and growing up with curly hair. My mother or grandma would spend the sunday oiling my hair and in the process get to know what I'm upto. We bonded over hair and now here I am, more than 10 years later, not oiling my hair but putting some chemical through it. Made me a tad sad.

2. The search for the perfect bookcase is ruling my life right now. I ordered my bed, my dresser,my couch and my dining table in less than 20 mins but I took 3 days to search for the perfect bookshelf. Tells you a lot about me and my priorities no? I just couldn't find any that was worthy of my books. As a kid, I dreamed about living in an apt whose walls were adorned with books and beautiful book cases so this thing is very very important to me. Complicating matters a whole lot is that a lot of these needed to be assembled and I'm about as handy with a hammer as my finance professor was with stand up comedy. He wasn't. There are things that one should just NOT dabble in. So I finally lost patience and ordered one online. Fingers crossed, it will arrive soon and toes crossed, I'll be able to assemble it properly. Actually, I'll need more body parts crossed to accomplish the last one methinks.

3. So as things turned out, I used my signing bonus to sign up for a gym and trainer. Most women buy a prada or hermes bag but me? No, ma'am, I opt for pain and suffering. Again, more hint there on my wonderful clusterf**k of a personality. Actually, I'm really liking my training sessions. Although, I'm getting killed in every session because of all the workouts and yes I do go into the ladies room afterwards and sit on the toilet seat and cry for being a wuzzy BUT BUT, I feel much much stronger. Atleast I think I am and my trainer is awesome! as in, he gives me free relationship advice when I'm doing 3 sets of push ups. That's exactly the kind of thing you need to distract yourself from physical pain - relationships & dating woes. I lovee my gym too! its beeeautiful, very zen like and they have massive studios for dance and yoga classes and even a pool!! Best of all, no annoying kids running around or having to deal with cloying, closet-bullimic undergrads (aka The wilson gym @ Duke) only hot looking, broad shouldered men doing pushups. Sign me up baby! she said. And oh, they also had eucalyptus scented towels..after all, when it comes to gyms isn't that the top criteria? Hot men and Comforting Towels? losing weight is a lost cause anyway!

4. Another big to-do these days is meeting my friends and hoping they've not forgotten me after being away from Chicago for a month. For a whole month!! I helped a friend move into her apartment at evanston and also managed to have a wonderfully contentious argument with another friend over some really delicious ethiopian dinner. Aah I love my erudite friends, I feel smart just being around them. The biggest reason I miss school is not waking up everyday and going into class and being challenged to think differently. But thanks to hanging with my smart friends and co-workers, that intellectual vaccuum is rapidly ebbing. Oh I must say, that working in a tech company and talking geek feels awesome!! I even wear my tweety bird T-shirt, which says "Full of Geek," proudly to work! that's how much of a nerd I am!

So things have been rather eventful. Summer in Chicago is salubrious.Hope the weather and the Karmic Universe holds up. It would be awful if rain (or snow, chicago remember?) did stop play.

The Book Gobbler's Delish List

Just listing a bunch of books I've managed to read this year. Hoping to update this as I finish reading books. I don't get much free time, what with work starting and all, but I hope my reading list continues to burgeon and that at the end of the year, I can look at it and say, "That was not bad at all."

1. The Lost Continent - Bill Bryson
2. Help! - Kathryn Stockett
3. Liar's Poker - Michael Lewis (currently reading)
4. Kitchen Confidential - Anthony Bourdain
5. Around the world in 80 days - Jules Verne
6. Treasure Island - Robert L Stevenson
7. Adventures of Sherlock Homes - Arthur Conan Doyle
8. Dreams from my father - Barack Obama
9. The partly cloudy patriot - Sarah Vowell
10. We need to talk about kevin - Lionel Shriver
11. Blue shoes & happiness (from the series, "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency") - Alexander McCall Smith
12. Siva Purana - Ramesh Menon

Streets that follow like a tedious argument of insidious intent

Everytime I read the opening lines of the "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", the greatest poem ever written, I think of Cities. Nay dream of cities. I'm transported by my imagination to those half deserted streets and muttering retreats. It is like I know exactly what T.S Eliot was talking about. See, I love cities. Absolutely adore them. Everything about them infact the streets, the people, the energy and even their dark underbelly. Really. So much that my transient nightmare is to wakeup and find myself in a idyllic suburb, driving a momsmobile.

Cities behold so much promise, so much possibility - kind of like the beginning of a new relationship. You don't know how it will turn out, but the initial promise, the latent potential is intoxicating. Oh do not ask, "What is it?" Let us go and make our visit. Whenever I land in a new city, I can't wait to get my hands on the map of the city and start scoping my days. Unlike most people, I don't go around with a guide book, I simply wing it. I talk to locals, get the inside scoop on where to go, where to eat and what to see. It's not the most efficient, but instead of following a book to the T, I let the place define my experience. That is how I've found places that make the best Sangria or coconut ice cream or caipirinha and when I do find these hidden jewels, I have all the pride and self-congratulatory flush of an explorer, of finding that which was not known to me. Oh so much fun!

Every city is different obviously, but I do have my favourites. Cities that I leave with a sign and make loud avowals of being back..in the near future. I always tend to look for a job or a possibility of a job in a city that I've love and adore, immediately after returning from the trip. I remember loving Amsterdam so much that I even looked at the possibility of taking dutch classes at school.

My first memory of how fabulous cities can be is when I visited Sydney on my first international trip. My brother, thrust a book of all the city streets and asked me to navigate! and there we went, driving through madly, past the street names and intersection and me trying to navigate and ogle at the beautiful city in wonder. It was a dreadful experience in the sense that we got lost several times, till a friendly toll booth operator pointed us in the right direction. But oh Sydney, with its darling harbour, teeming with restaurants and the beautiful opera house, gracing the shores, swan-like, more than made up for all of it. I'll always remember the people, how kind, friendly and boisterous they were.

Then there is Brussels. I was extremely sick when I visited Brussels but was determined as hell to go wandering about the city. I wanted to explore it at all costs. So I bundled up and made my way to Nord station, where I'll always remember asking for almond croissant and coffee in French. It is what I did everyday, go to Nord station, have my mini breakfast and then watch the huge board with train times and names, flipping wildy. That board mesmerized me. It promised untold adventure and mystery, if only I picked the right train. Brussels has other memory like dancing the night off in a cuban club and me blowing kisses at the pony tailed bar tender. Pony Tails are so HOT!

Amsterdam will always be etched in my memory as FUN! It was my best friend's and mine grand adventure. The kind we dreamed of as 12 year olds in prim uniforms. Of partaking in the art, the gorgeous scenary with idyllic canals and of course *ahem* other "risks." It was epic not only interms of passe stuff like clubbing but it rocked interms of food, arts and ofcourse the beauty of the city itself. Its convoluted 16th century, cobbled stone back alleys, its canals and its air of being a medieval port city. I can't quite explain the vibe of amsterdam to you without doing it gross injustice. It was a city that accomodated several worlds - the blithe and the serious, the debauched and the prim, the insouciant cigarette smokers and the suited investment bankers. It was a city that always managed to surprise you with its many facets.

I'm trying to convey what Rio De Janeiro means to me but I can't. It will always be a feeling. A feeling of feeling free and without inhibition. A feeling of being in a beautiful, scenic city with breadth taking views. A physical feeling of dancing, of dancing with joy and the gut wrenching feeling of walking in the Favelas with their murals and Ak-47 toting gangsters. Rio will always be a feeling, a pulse and a cluster of memories - beaches, stumbling about the streets in a drunken haze, copious amounts of acai berry, tropical forests and ofcourse jumping of a cliff, hand-gliding over the city like a bird.

Then there will always be Mumbai. The city that started my love affair with the urban madness. Visiting frenetic Mumbai, from sleepy, carefree Bangalore was always a treat for me. It's like the city kicked in me a strange adrenaline rush. It made me purposeful and purged any trace of lackadaisical behaviour. It made me want to move. To go. Do something. To walk (with long strides). One of my favourite things to do is to walk all day in the town side of Mumbai - past colaba causeway, past all the old colonial buildings and the maritime museum. And even in all my wanderings, the industriousness never left me. This city made me want to be something, it stoked a fire and thats why it is so special and close to my heart.

I will always be a city girl. I love walking past street lights and intersections from one end to another. It energizes me and ignites a visceral feeling within me. I can't explain it, I don't think I'll ever fully understand my love for cities but I can't wait to explore other cities like Istanbul, London, Tokyo or even cape town.

Yes, fie on you suburbs

do they speak english in what?

take me you happy shiney people,

as I watch you shimmer from a distance,

you all, with your drinks and fancy conversation,

you all, with your bluster and loud laughs,

Your universe looks perfect,

It even has an outline of glitter.

Do you notice me at all?

Can I be embraced by your cocoon of familiarity?

but don't feel bad for me,

I'm occupied too, amused infact,

as I watch you, fascinated...

What I Learned in B-school

I was talking to a friend of mine, who is just about to enter B-school and I was dishing out advice by the droves. Then it hit me. Such gold quality insight needs to be documented not only to act as a symbolic ode to the entire experience but to also serve as a cautionary tale. Really, take your pick, what ever floats your boat.

What does a transformational experience consist of? Is this what Dickens was referring to when he said that it was the best of times and the worst of times? Can you distill the essence of a gigantic shift in perception and put it in bullet point format? After all, isn't the bullet point format one of the biggest learnings in B-school?

Be warned though, this post is not your back-of-the-proverbial-envelope-ROI-analysis on B-school, this post is reflection on how I acquired some life-changing skills in B-school, the enduration of mind numbing academic jargon and how I lived to tell the tale. Here it goes in bullet point format (obviously!):

What I learned in B-school

1. The importance of Night Mode setting of my camera, heck any camera settings at all:

For you see its impossible to go through B-school without documenting it on FB and adding pictures for proof. That's the first thing you learn - the night mode settings of your camera- at the first B-school party. Next you learn how to pose for said pictures. Honestly, I've learned my "photogenic" angles and the right amount of teeth that one should ideally show. I was actually camera shy before I came to B-school and now I've become extremely comfortable posing for pics. This is has undoubtedly enriched my future facebook pictures and how could anyone put a price on that?

2. The importance of beer pong, flipcup and *insert any drinking game here*:

Not having done undergrad here in the US I wanted an opportunity to get a sneak peek through my B-school experience. What they didn't tell me was B-school was undergrad times 2 if you wanted it to be. Thanks to this second coming, I learned beer pong and flip cup and tons of other drinking games. Now, I have a genuine drinking game mishap story that makes me a legit grad student and gives me a sort of "street cred" that is very important in connecting with other grad students. booyeah!

3. The importance of being a .ppt or .xlsm ninja:

I have learned that with the right presentation or excel skills, you can go from Captain Obvious to Captain Genius! I kid you NOT. I have sat through numerous presentations where the facts were plain as daylight but because of the wizardry of the presentation or excel sheet, got transformed into "critical insight." I even gave one such presentation a standing ovation myself. How can one NOT be swayed by flying boxes and arrows or pastel coloured, harmony inducing pie-charts?? you have to be positively soulless for that!

4. The importance of having a .ppt or.xlsm ninja in your team if you are not one yourself:

You have no idea what a boon it is to have a .ppt or .xlsm ninja in your team do you? Not only does it mean better grades, it also means that you don't have to spend arduous hours trying to come with half decent slides or models and honestly, deep down you know the team is going to end up using the ninja's slides or models anyway! what you do learn however is to play to to your

strengths. While you're effusive in your praise for your teammate's skills and encourage him to spend the night finishing that ppt or assignment, you can get back to honing your own skills in playing angry birds. Hey man, if that's not a simulation of a life and death situation, I don't know what is!

5. The importance of NOT having a .ppt or .xlsm ninja in your team if you are not one yourself:

This ofcourse means that you are terribly F@&*ed. The meetings are long and contentious,

everybody thinks they are the expert, the white board is filled with drawings and bullet points and you're no closer to the answer than when you started 13 hours ago. The worst is when teams with ninjas, walk by your team room and tell you that they finished the meeting for the case in 60 secs. The best thing to do if you're ever in such a situation, is to have a big list of funny youtube videos to cut the tension. Atleast your team will call you a "fascilitator" or "harmonizer" and let you off the hook when it its time to grade each other.

6. The importance of prayer when you're getting assigned to teams:

See bullets 4 & 5 to fully comprehend this point and yes, while praying, specifically ask for .ppt or .xlsm ninja. I'm serious!

7. The importance of following American sports:

I cannot stress this enough! This will come back to you when you're in that dreaded circle, surrounding a recruiter, trying desperately to land a job. When everyone is talking NFL or college basketball stats, you looking clueless and feeling like you landed in the planet of "What the hell are they talking about??" will NOT help you get a job. You should do what I did and get an american classmate to explain the rules of football (not soccer), basketball or even lacrosse. And then when everybody is talking about Tom Brady, you will not get the urge to ask "Who is this Tom Brady guy? is he a sports dude or something?"

8. The importance of "Depends..":

Yes, "depends.." gets a lot of flack and a lot of b-school students themselves deride this term but for me there is no greater colloquial term that celebrates the state of ambiguity as much. It connotes that, while you have no clue or opinion on the question being asked, you're also willing to say whatever it takes to get on the favourable side of the person asking the question. This

type of ambidextrous approach actually makes you sound erudite! don't ever under estimate the power of "depends." I did and look what happened in my internship, where they asked me if they should invest in a product or not, and instead of invoking this powerful ass-saver, I actually gave them my opinion and did not get the job.

9. The importance of free food in (literally) enriching your B-school experience:

As a starved B-school student, I admit to unintentionally attending lectures run by obscure clubs simply because of the free salad, pizza or burrito on offer. This is exactly how I became interested in the Net impact club and social entrepreneurship. Say what you will about the net impact club but they sure do have the classiest, freshest free food for all their events.

10 The importance of theme parties:

Before coming to the US, I solemnly swear that I had never ever been to a theme party. It was only after attending my first theme party - the 80s party, that I realized the social importance of dressing up in a weird costume and its correlation to making friends. Apparently, the more absurdly you dressed, the more friends you made or rather the more interesting you became to people. Case in point my second Halloween party. For this one, I truly embraced the ethos of

Halloween and dressed up as "Salad Dressing" - in a slinky black dress with vegetable cut-outs. I actually got asked out on a date at the party. SCORE!

11. The importance of having a high alcohol tolerance:

B-school literally is one big party with classes as interludes. True. This fact alone accounts for why other grad students don't really consider us to be truly grad students. We have smart phones, drive expensive cars, live in upscale apartments and drink copious amounts of alcohol. No tales of spending 4 sleepless nights in the library, just stories of cranberry vodka and lady gaga on repeat. Its very hard to not give in to the peer pressure and not party and drink. In term 4 of the last year, afternoon drinking and golfing became the norm, which accounts for why I got hit by golf balls when I ran on the trail surrounding the golf course.

and lastly,

12. The importance of owning a PC:

Yes, this is a shameless plug for my current employers but it is also the truth. Your life will be a living hell if Excel doesn't run on your laptop. So wisen up and use a PC!!

experimenting.. .

writing a post using a stylus tablet! This is seriously cool!!
I guess this will do what my mother couldn't. ...improve my handwriting!!

Its alright, alright...just dance, gonna be ok...

My social calendar, surprisingly, is filled with events every night. Surprising because, hullo, I just got here? So, this weekend, I met a girl friend from High school, whom I had not seen for 12 years. My change of location popped up on her FB feed and voila, we had a I-haven-seen-you-in-ages-but-I'm-so-excited-to-see-you!! date on Saturday. It was amazing and a lil bewildering to meet someone from home in Chicago of all places. Since we got on so swimmingly well, we decided to go bar hopping in Lincoln Park and went to this speak easy bar called "The Violet Hour." This bar was totally hush-hush and there was no sign or anything and we actually walked passed the door a couple of times, before a portal opened that sucked us into a weird, strange land. Very Alice in wonderland like, and yes, it even had Tall High-backed chairs. This place had magnificent drinks and both of us were chilling, awash in the glow of general goodness, when this Indian dude walked up to us with the strangest of requests.

He told us, he was hitching hiking is way from Seattle to New York and could we please point him towards NY? Now, I'm normally wary of weird guys but decided to give him a chance because he was a nerd and I'm sympathetic to the plight of nerds, being one myself. He told us (atleast that was his story) that he was tired of his work and just decided on a whim to Hitch hike (and risk getting killed). He seemed like a tortured soul, who one day woke up to find that his life was terribly out of track. More drama ensued that night but the thing I was stuck with, was evaluating if my own life was on track.

The answer to that is a resounding "No!" My life has never gone on expected lines from the age of 18 but my life has been more fun that I could ever fathom for myself. I never expected to be in Chicago after my MBA, I never expected to be in the US for my MBA, I never thought I'd study engineering, I never thought I'd never use my engineering..so yeah, my life has always taken unexpected turns simply because of my eagerness and willingness to do the unexpected.

It was Wimbledon Sunday yesterday and in my family it was always a tradition to turn on the TV at 6PM on Men's Final Sunday, with a tray of leftover Idlees and mint chutney. Oddly enough,I will always associate Idlees with Wimbledon Final. Yesterday, I just saw highlights and wondered how Wimbledon had ceased to be significant in my life? Or how college basketball mattered to me more? The milieu I was born into no longer existed or was rapidly fading and instead, I was in a milieu that I had created for myself. Isn't that awesome or is it?

In a reminder that there is always price to pay for living life on a whim, the ex called to tell me that he was getting engaged to somebody. We probably would have gotten hitched had I not decided to come to the US. While I was truly happy for him, I never thought I'd be single at 27. That depressed me for a while, till I realised what I had gained - new experience, tons of travel, new friends and a job that's got me excited to pins!

I've come to realize that, as long as I continue to be curious, as long as I continue to push the envelope and take risks, my life is never going to be "on track." It is never going to be "normal" but it sure as hell will be interesting. Amen to that!

of Pride, Craziness and Sheila's Youth

Chicago is turning out to be quite fun. My quick impression of this city after a mere 3 weeks is that it is unassuming, fun and beautiful. It is now my favourite city in the US..ok well both Seattle and Chicago and most amazingly, I'll be shuttling between these two fabulous cities quite often thanks to work! totally jazzed!

Now on to the fun part - The craziness that was yesterday. Right, it all began when K & D my two favourite people in Chicago, invited me to their pre-pride party. When I saw that the event started at 10 am, my eyebrows shot up. Yes, I went to B-school where drinking was a norm, but at 10am?? So on sunday morning, I overslept as usual, waking up just in time to shower, wash the hair and dress up in an orange polka-dot dress. The thing is, you can't go to party hosted by queens unless you're quite fashionably dressed. So by the time I reached their house it was 11 am and I was famished.

and there it was, spread out, the "Breakfast of Champions" or what it should consist of - Vodka lemonade, pita chips and potato salad. K &D, both amazing hosts, immediately made sure I had a cup in hand and was quickly introduced to whole new bunch of people - met some fellows MBAs at Ross and some their friends from the city. I LOVE meeting new people and listening to their personal stories. It has all the anticipation that comes with the beginning of a new chapter.

After being sufficiently "wined" up, off we went to watch the parade. I repeat, our original plan was to find a good spot on the pavement and WATCH the parade. But somehow, we became PART of the parade. The Human Rights float was head of us and behind us were a bunch of hot looking guys in pink leotards, dancing to lady gaga. As soon we realized that we were in the parade, it was like our inner Diva was unleashed. We went around giving Hi-fives to random people in the crowd, hugging people and kissing puppies. And the most amazing part was the cheering from the crowd. It was most incredible - to see the acceptance, the tolerance and the love for the LGBT folks in this city. This parade was not just a spectacle but a celebration of accepting people for who they are! made me love chicago twice over!

The parade was crazy long and by this time, I was truly buzzed and had lost all inhibition. Not hard when there was alcohol and an adoring crowd involved. I kind of realized why rockstars act the way they do. The feeling is truly heedy! Somebody in my group dared me to kiss a cop after I mentioned that they, the law enforcement officers manning the parade, looked all tense and grumpy. You know you've lost all sense of reason, when you run up to a cop and give him a massive hug. The first one, smiled and didn't seem to mind it and so bolstered, I kissed the next one right in the face. And that boys and girls, will be my achievement of the year. Some people get married, some make babies, I show affection for law enforcement. That's how much of a fan I am.

Anyway, we got off the parade due to sheer exhaustion and came back to base camp. When we got back to K &D's house, K started playing bollywood numbers and both of us started dancing to the sheer amusement of the others present in the room. After showing them what an "item number" is (thanks to Sheila and her youth), I decided to head back, make that stumble back home. Infact I was walking so slowly, that a random dude who passed by me, asked me if I was ok. I smiled and told him that I had the best day ever!

*insert smiley here*

I'm usually never in a overtly happy mood. My happy moods are always tinged with circumspect-ness that has me channeling some past foreboding just to balance things out, but these days, it's plain old joy of a blithe existence. Joie de vivre and so forth.

First, there is new music in my life. Really nice, indie type music that my youngest cousin suggested to me via a sweetly composed text, listing all her favourite obscure bands in alphabetical order! I hadn't heard of any of the bands, and am now spending my time getting to know to them. So that's how I find myself addicted to Born Ruffians these days. Love em! Music also helped me bond with my lil cousin sis, although calling her "lil" would be a misnomer because she turned legit (21) a couple of weeks back, which officially makes me her older, yoda-channeling cousin. Apart from obscure music, she also likes myth busters and integration and I was like "ME TOO!"

Second, my new found love is Chicago. Each passing day has me falling more in love with this city. It's brilliant in the summer with soo much to do and explore. I feel like a newborn, taking in new sights and neighbourhoods. This city has great food, artsy stores and superb architecture that has me (embarrassingly) gawking at buildings. and then there is the lake!! (which I can partially see from my apartment.) I've also discovered the running track along the lake and when the weather is great, my run is nothing short of exquisite. It's also a "walker" friendly city. I can walk, for hours on end and not get bored! Chicago in summer also has a plethora of street fairs and music concerts. An amazing city and I feel awesome to live in it. My only hope is that it doesn't go apeshit cold on me in the winter. *Fingers crossed*

Third, fixing my apartment is keeping me occupied. I'm doing endless research on the kind of "look" I want for each room and the whole process is TONS of fun. I was soo meant to play "house-house." I'm going furniture shopping in the coming week and hopefully can get my hands on the furniture I've been eyeing. So far, I'm veering towards a kitchy art-decor theme but design projects have their own weird evolution, especially MY design projects, so I can't wait to see how my apartment turns out. But I hope it has a warm, hang-outey feel to it..you know, where I can lounge and have friends come over and play scrabble over chai...That's definitely the dream, so far none of my friends like scrabble although they do like chai.

Fourth, speaking of friends, I'm also meeting many new people and getting to know them. Having wonderful conversations that leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy. Right now, for me there is nothing more exciting than adding new chicago contacts to my phone. Each new contact makes me feel like I'm moving ahead, learning new things and opening the door to new experiences..

so yeah, overall, Happy.

A foody ode to Durham

Oddly enough, you realise that a city is "Home" to you when you start missing its food. That odd hour craving that develops suddenly and that which cannot be met because, sadly, you're not in the city anymore. That's when you realize that you'll always share a bond, that only gastric juices can enhance.

I agree, that "city" is indeed a bold word to describe Durham with. For most people it's a quaint old college town, somewhat dwarfed by the state school (who I'll not name to maintain the purity of this blog) down the road. For me, it will always be my first home in the US. A place with a swirl of quirkiness and warmth hovering over it. A place where Starbucks people actually give you complimentary coffee for graduating or acing an exam (true and true). A place where taxi drivers drive back to return your wallet, a place where a hair salon brews its own beer and you actually get tipsy while getting a hair cut and finally, a place where a traffic cop will let you go with just a warning and not a ticket (OK I'll admit that last incident might be a one off because I've gotten my share of speeding tickets as well)

I've always believed you can fathom the content of a town's character by its food. I'll always associate Durham with warm, soul enriching food. No hoity-toity, stiff upper lippy food with complicated names but simple, down to earth goodness, that can rouse the very best in mortals if needed. So while I sit here in my Chicago's apartment, I miss not sitting in my favourite cafe, I miss fried food and I miss the southern drawl, which usually fronts for friendliness and warmth. So,methinks it would be grave if I didn't document all my favourite haunts. Even at the risk of rousing my food craving and not being able to fulfill it sadly.

1. Saladelia Cafe: I'll always consider Saladelia my secret abode. This was the first cafe I stumbled into after landing in Durham. Though, initially I went there for the Free Wi-Fi, later on I began going there more for the food and the soothing Jazz music. It was my place to ponder from, wonder about and watch the world at work. It was also a place that encouraged musicians and there'd hardly be a weekend where a Jazz band did not play. I'll always remember those sun drenched Saturdays, watching a Jazz quartet play and just reveling in the insouciance of the moment. I'll also remember it for Fida, the owner of Saladelia. She gave me the tightest hug anybody ever gave me, every time she saw me. She'd always be there to listen to my experiences in a new country, while sharing with me her own, as a Lebanese student in the 90s. But then there was the Food. The best hummus you ever ate, or a Gyro or a wrap. I'll miss sauntering into Saladelia on a Saturday afternoon and eating a great brunch, while planning the rest of the glorious weekend, with jazz music as background score to my existence.

2. Fosters/Parker & Otis: Brunch reminds me of all the great conversations I've had with people at both these places. If Saladelia was my solitary haunt, Fosters and P&O, was where I socialized and revelled in the opinion of the other. Both places had a typical southern-house ambiance and decor. Both were cluttered with candy, pots & pans, cook books, preserves and every odd kitchen nick-knack one could possibly think of. Oddly, the very clutter made it more welcoming and homely. I loved entering these two places and being lost in the aroma and the noise at once. But transformational conversations is what I'll treasure it for the most. Whether it was talking about startups and business plans or love life and boys, I always left feeling smarter than when I entered. It's like these places fostered discussion. The food mainly consisted of sandwiches, salads and wraps but good, ole fashioned talk was what made it special.

3. Dains: One of my biggest achievements in B-school was not getting a job but winning the Dain's Trivia. Dain's is the official college bar of Duke and every Wednesday, they also have Trivia which is pretty tough to win, given that a lot of teams compete in it and so, thats why it is one of the hallmark of my B-school experience. Dain's also has the best veggie burger in town.

4. Bull City Burger & Beverages: speaking of burgers, I would duel anybody who didn't think these guys had the best burger in the town. I still wildly crave the "Green Monster" with Duck fat fries. Oh mother-o-gawd. The burgers here make me wish I were pregnant and a carte blanche to eat how much ever I wanted. sigh.They are THAT GOOD!

5. Guglhupf Cafe: More than brunch, I loved coming here for their dinner specials. Their food had a lot of European (though mainly German) influence. I loved their schnitzel, beef short ribs and pan roasted salmon the best. Their desserts were out of this world! My thrill of the evening would be to choose MY dessert from the dessert tray laden with pretty,eye-popping desserts. Sigh, loved it!

6. Broad Street Cafe: Great for beer, pizza and random live band on a Friday Night. Actually, the best kept secret was their Chocolate chess pie, which a good friend once told me about. We often went there just for that particular dessert.

7. Local Yogurt: My favourite yogurt place. They have the best tasting frozen yogurt in the country methinks. So natural and tart. Always a great spot for catching up with friends during the week or to chase the mid week blues away.

8. Vimala's Curry Blossom Cafe: Though technically not in Durham, I'll add this to the list because I can't help but crave for their fried plantains. Great, home cooked Indian food with none of the usually greasy dishes that you expect from Indian restaurants in the US. This place is special also because, when the owner felt like it, she made a pretty awesome fish curry that just drenched your soul in satisfaction.

Lot of other awesome places that I'll miss : Vin Rouge (French), Dane's Indian Lunch house, Tyler's Tap Room, Thai Cafe, Twisted Noodles, Chubby's Tacos (Mexican), Queen of Sheeba (Ethiopian) , Mediterranean Grill (Greek/Turkish) and many more.

Oh Durham, I'll miss your food sooo much but darn, all that food talk has made me SEVERELY hungry now!

Ok, Now What?

So here I am, in an empty apartment in a chicago highrise. I just got here today with 3 bags. The rest of my stuff is on its way here. I realize I have moved every year for the past 6 years and so I've become adept at packing even though I'm still not immune to the whole process yet. I wish I was though. Its pretty hard, uprooting your life every 12 months and starting anew. So, it is with packing fatigue that I write this. If not for it, I would be very excited about the future. About the thought of working in my DREAM job, something I'm sooo excited about, that I can't wait to start already! I would also be very excited about the city I'm living in and bought my new neighbourhood. I say I would, more so because of my sadness at the ending of school.

The month of may was awesome to say the least. Celebrating the culmination of a hard-earned, transformational journey. I met amazing people from all over the world and saying goodbye was tough but I know I have a place to stay in in virtually 70 countries in the world. That in itself was one of the best gifts of this process. My parents and brother were also here to see me graduate. I'm glad they got to see my school and meet my friends and be part of the graduation ceremony. We also went all over the country after that. NY, Vegas, Grand Canyon and SF. They got to see this great country and the things that make it incredible. It felt weird to say goodbye to them at SF and come back to Durham to pack though. Wish we had more time together.

On the bright side though, I'm incredibly grateful for such an amazing experience and for the opportunity to, atleast in this moment, look in to the future with excitement and wonder about the things to come :)

End of Dog Days

So three more weeks..three more weeks and this experiment, this mad,awesome journey of studying in a new country will come to an end. To tell you the truth, it hasn't quite hit me yet. More so because for the next three weeks atleast I'll continue seeing those familiar faces, I will go to dinner with these familiar faces, will argue with said familiar faces and rinse, repeat.

I still can't get over how my life has changed as a result of coming here. Can you wholly transform in two years? yes you can. But there is still time to reflect. Still time to write the nostalgic post. Meanwhile, there's a student life to be lived in these three weeks:

1.Dinner invites are being sent faster than the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and thats saying a lot. This bodes well because it fits in perfectly with my plans to finish my baking supplies, and make cupcakes to these potlucks. I had bought tons of baking supplies to bake cupcakes for the Durham Public Library when I was feeling particularly altruistic. However, the DPL punctured my gesture by telling me to shove it as they did not want to be liable for allergy reactions. Such is the world! so my fellow MBAs are lucky beneficiaries of my baking pursuits

2. Team meetings to attend: Fortunately both my teams this term are KICK ASS. We are mowing down work like a crazy efficient mad machine, team meetings are down to an hour and most importantly, nobody is harbouring murderous feelings against each other. Atleast that I know of!

3. Also being chased by several clubs and associations to part with my money. I get an email reminder and a phone call reminder everyday. So much so that, I've had to come up with elaborate evading manouvers that would impress a fighter pilot training for a dog fight. Yes I'm awesome like that.

4.Theme parties galore are also fighting with the above entities for my money.My stand has always been that where there is vodka, there goes my money. So you know, which team I'm batting for. Its also wonderfully gratifying to see EVERY club embrace the route of theme parties to raise funds and fleece me.

5. Dampening spirits like a wet blanket on a wet day are perpetual emails about graduation. With questions like "have you picked up parking passes" "have you picked up cap and gown" "have you picked up yourself" etc etc. Nooooooooo. I'm not ready to graduate. Yet! don't utter that bloody word!

6.Emails about graduations are followed by emails by professors on forthcoming exams and what we need to submit to graduate. Like a 24 page treatise on odd behaviour of people or on decision making and sex.Thats when it hits you. You are DONE writing Exams. You are ready to graduate!

7. All these emails makes you realize that IT is going to happen and the folks are going to come and accommodation needs to be readied. aaaaaaaaargh! so many things to do!

8.Then you look at yourself in the mirror and realize that serious weight needs to be lost and that the graduation pic is going to stay with you a long time and one really CANNOT be retaining water at the time. Exercise is in order but not diet.

9.Which me brings me back to all the dinner invites....

Its mad, its crazy..its like approaching the last 360 degree loop on a roller coaster before the ride ends.

mark as unread

When the letter you wrote me

fell unexpectedly out of a book,

I re-experienced that sensation of dread again.

How you told me you had to end it because

you had to leave and go

to another country,

to live another life,

to breathe another air

to meet other people.

our laughter wasn't enough.

our embrace wasn't all encompassing.

Its been 15 years since,

I hope it was worth it.

Good things

Today was a good evening. real good. Witnessed an outstanding Jazz concert, performed by the Watts Project featuring Jeff "Tain" Watts, Nicholas Payton, Christian Mcbride and Ravi Coltrane. made me realize that good music is more than just music, its about being ensconced in a wave of feeling. I can't quite explain it. Its like...

...watching rain fall

...subtle flavours exploding in your mouth

...mint tea and a good book

...Hot shower on a cold day

...a dress that fits well and also shows of the curves

...a love note

....petting the furry belly of a beloved pet

....a mild jog on a breezy afternoon

....a raucous dinner with friends

....Mama's hug

....a spur-of-the-moment, celebratory jig

....a nice, long, pensive drive

....freshly sharpened pencils

....feeling at home

....sepia toned photographs

....snuggling inside a warm blanket

....singing along (out of tune) to a favourite song

....being in love with the world

War without the guns

Too too excited to write something new. Have been gripped by the usual nerves before such a cricket match. Actually hate cricket when it gets like this...sooo intense, so rivalrous and so much more than winning and losing. and it had to happen in the World Cup.

On an aside, I guess I'm too much of a sports fanatic. Sports and my team's outcome really matter to me. Duke crashed out of the NCAA basket ball tournament in the sweet sixteen round and for days after that I was in mourning. Still am. Still can't get over the shock loss..

ok..no more negative thoughts. On a positive note, the awesome aspect of matches such as these is that you know that your life will never be the same after such a match. The memory will stay with you. Whether it be a brilliant innings or a dropped catch, you will remember how it played out and where you were when things unfolded. Yes, regardless, its a special moment in time. And that indeed, is the beauty of sport.

Writing Project

Inspired by a friend who took upon herself to write something every day for 100 days, I'm embarking on a similar such mission, albeit, for a modest 30 days. I figure I'll be busier than busy in May with graduation and other formalities and so the reduced target.

But why the project in the first place? Because I need it to spark the creative part of my brain. I love creative writing. wait. make that loved. In school, we were asked to write essays on arbitrary topics, I remember salivating with glee, at the thought of conjuring up new worlds, situations and people. There was nothing more exhilarating than letting the imagination run wild. so much fun! But as my analytical side started to dominate due to engineering undergrad and work, I found my creative instincts starting to rust. And there it continued to languish, where now, I find myself dreading at the very thought of..you know..creating something. Where once I could conjure up a short story in a matter of minutes, now I can't even get myself to write a paragraph. So I need this project. to re-ignite my stunted creative side. The ultimate hope is that the constant writing will not only improve my ability to write but also make me comfortable once more in letting my imagination run.

On an aside though, notice my cop out in meeting today's writing ..ahem.. "Target." Instead of ravishing my 5 readers with fancy prose, I gave you a long winded explanation that is neither creative nor funny. so you see why I need to write more?

The Final Countdown

Here,I am, in the final leg of this 2 year journey called B-school. Only 5 more weeks to go before I graduate and I find myself in the "real" world. I want to say its been so much fun, yada yada but oddly enough B-school has made me more circumspect and (dare I say it) mature, to be able to be trite.

I can't quite put my finger on what within has changed but something in my core has changed. I have had lots of experiences that have shaped my experiences but very rarely have these profoundly impacted my core. But B-school did and so my ambivalence towards the whole thing.

I did give up a lot to be here. My life in my country, my family, my love and my friends. But,on the other hand, I also received a lot - new experiences, new friends, travel..erm "Business Acumen." At the end, I feel like recipient of a zero sum game. A game that extracts a lot of you but oddly enough leaves you richer because of the very extraction. Like what a person finishing a Marathon might feel like, I suppose. Every mile of the Marathon is more painful than the previous one, but on reaching the finish line, there is no trace of the pain. Only a magnanimous sense of achievement and relief.

B-school for me was not all sunshine for me primarily because it caused me to ask myself a series of uncomfortable, existential type questions. And more importantly I opened myself to these questions. Like, "what do I stand for?" or "Should I compromise and aim at getting any job or do go after what I'm passionate about?" and ofcourse, the piece de resistance of all existential quandries, "What AM I passionate about in the first place?"

I knew B-school was going to be the place where I re-calibrated myself. Not many people get the opportunity to do that and so I went about it with a rare resolve. I used these two years to find myself - what my beliefs were, what my passions were and where I wanted to be. I took risks and countless leaps of faith. I stumbled many times, but learned to raise myself up and walk again. I learned what it was like to stare at an abyss and even walked down a depressive spiral or two. I learned about people and how I deal with people. Finally, I learned my personal boundaries - what I would and would not do.

So If you ask me if it was "Fun." I'd say, probably not the best word to describe it. too trite. Now "Metamorphosis" now, that has a great ring to it. I literally feel different from the Me of two years ago. I don't know what changed but something did, at a very profound level.

So,was it worth it then? since we're all in the business (pardon the pun) of cost-benefit analysis and the like, I have only one answer. And I have no ambiguity in answering this.

HELL YEAH!

When the sun un-hides

Dark clouds cause rain,
Dark clouds are tough and when it smothers you,
It forces you to wallow in the pain
Dark clouds are bereft of soul
Dark clouds are dark and when you can’t see,
the darkness seems cruel
Dark clouds kill hope
Dark clouds are dense and when it strangles your heart,
it feels like you can’t cope
Dark clouds are angry,
Dark clouds are fiery and when it thunders,
all you want to do is bury
But it is also true that dark clouds don’t last forever

A Beautiful Day

The tables are a-glitter in sunshine,
The umbrellas fluttering sublimely,
Sitting by myself in a café, contemplating life,
The only person I want to be with is ME

My Precocious, Precious 6 Year Old

Dear Bloggie,

I don't know what caused me to give birth to you on 5th November of 2004. I think it was the restlessness that comes with being 21 or may be it was the need to have a creative outlet while doing engineering, but whatever it was, my beautiful bloggie, you were born and since then have been my one constant love. Yes not even my shoes. (you have to take my word for it, I'm afraid)

I'm bad at commemorating milestones. I forget anniversaries and birthdays and I forgot your birthday too (sorry!). I only remembered that you'd turned 6 when I was mentioning you to somebody, when she asked me about when I'd started blogging and that was when I remembered!

Dear God, has it been 6 years my love? 6 years since we started keeping a record of my life, my activities (heh!), my loves (double heh!) and my view on life? I want to say that despite the crests and troughs of life, having you as a constant keeps me moored.I can look back at the times and see how far I've come, see my evolution actually. Its wonderfully weird to see your own pattern of evolution. I think its the scientist's daughter in me that looks at various blog posts of the past and analyzes how I changed and where I changed. Pretty cool neh?

But I digress, this is about you and why you're important to me. Calling you just an outlet to my creative outpourings would be mean and belittling you. No. You see I think a lot. I've always been that kid thats been lost in thought. My head is filling up with sentences and my thoughts are flashing at the speed of light. To bring order to chaos, and partly to empty my head of these sentences, I start to write. To give them order and coherency. and thats when clarity happens. Like magic. They come together like obedient wards and align themselves into a marvelous whole. Before I know it, I have expressed an opinion and created something meaningful. Its like giving birth and thats why you need to be celebrated. You are truly my offspring.

I get to create thoughts and opinion and see them manifest themselves in you. You need to be revered because frankly, how many of us create? or even care to create? We are a world that idolizes rationale and logic. But not so much creativity. Parents don't tell their children to be poets or artists sadly. Creativity is a wondrous thing and it is ghastly that the world does not acknowledge or give rightful due to a process where you are essentially creating something from nothing. While rationale is discovery, creativity is invention. You, my dear, are magic and that's why the ode to you. You are my rebellion and my release. When I'm mired in calculation, I come to you for redemption and you let me be without judgment. My own little cocoon in this vast web.

I don't feel stymied in your presence, In fact I exult. I'm at my best, my most confident with you. My general awkwardness vanishes before you and I feel like an unencumbered conduit, pouring out emotions. You have no Idea how indebted to you I am for this. It is as much a safe haven as it is exhilaration.

I could list numerous reasons of why you are precious to me and if something were to happen to the server on which you're stored (Heaven forbid!), I would truly experience the loss of an offspring.

My favourite author/literary personality Oscar Wilde said that to love oneself was the beginning of a lifelong romance. You are indeed that.

Love,

A

The Defense of Liberal Arts

I was watching The King's Speech the other day, (brilliant movie btw, C.Firth is delishh!) and there is this bit where Firth's character, who has a speech impediment, has to recite a Shakespearean verse to his speech therapist, Geoffery Rush. The verse happened to be the eponymous verse from Hamlet, the one that everyone and their uncle claim to understand - To be or Not to be. At first glance, it seems a random verse but in the context of the movie, where Firth's character, George the sixth, is struggling to come to terms with his own existence as as a stammering, public speaking royal, the verse is extremely significant. It was an odd coincidence but it reminded me of the time I studied Hamlet in school whilst battling my own existential quandry. At that time, when I read the verse, I remember thinking that if there was someone more uncertain about things than Hamlet, it was me.

I shone all through school because of the diversity of the subjects we were studying. I loved that the specificity of science was balanced by the abstract hindsight of History. So through school, from standard 1 to standard 10, you could say I was thoroughly intrigued. So in standard 11 and 12 when I had to make a choice of what I wanted to concentrate in - whether Science, Commerce or Arts, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do simply because I had no measure of what I excelled in and what I didn't. I was sort of an all rounder and as everyone knows, there's nothing worse than the fate of an all rounder.

I chose to concentrate in Science simply because it had an aura of sagacity to it. Also, it seemed like the most logical thing to do because I grew up in an extremely scientific household. No-brainer it seemed. Unfortunately though, all my friends got separated into the other sections. You see, they had a much better idea of what their strengths were and appropriately chose to play to their strengths. A most excellent strategy, if I may so comment. So while I learned the irrefutability of science, they learned to glean insights from abstract prose. While I learned the rules of calculus, they were debating the importance of the UN in the modern era. I always felt short changed when I hung out with them. Their learning seemed to evolve with them while mine was fixed and centered around the rules of the universe.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my courses. Learning about the building blocks of the universe and the rules that govern them is a wondrous thing in itself, but I rued the fact that there was no room for debate or discourse. E was always going to be equal to MC^2 and that certainty sucked. so I hung out with them - the wannabe poets, the budding political analysts, the specious economists and was awash in their glow. I remember lying out in glorious sunshine, on the lawn outside a 150 year old building where our classroom was, and listening to my best friend recite "The Lady of Shalott" I comprehended for the first time what unrequited love must feel like thanks to Lord Tennyson. It made me wonder. It put me in another's shoe. I sat in on classes when they read poetry which introduced me to poets such as Phillip Larkin, D H Lawrence, Tennyson, and ofcourse T S Eliot. I remember being in agony when I found out that I had missed out on a poetry class where they spent 3 class hours decoding "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock" I had read it and re read it, and each time, I came off gleaning something new, something abstract. I argued politics with them, we discussed the middle east peace process and took sides on which country had the most functioning democracy.

These discourses ripped open my certain world in science. There was no right or wrong but you learned to form an opinion or an insight. I was learning to make up my mind and defend them instead of having certainties handed down to me. I learned more about life outside the class and slowly started getting disenchanted with my own studies. I got caught up in an existential crisis that behooved a teenager - what did I want in life - certainty of logic or the uncertainty of the abstract? to be or not to be? I couldn't agree with Hamlet more.

When I look back on what made the most impression on me in those years, it was the Arts. Poetry, literature and political science.I don't remember now what a benzene ring looks like or how the carbon molecule concatenated, but I do know that the arts taught me to appreciate the philosophy and absurdity of life. It gave me the liberal outlook I still possess and transformed me as a person. From a world of black and white, I embraced the grey. I couldn't have asked for a greater gift from my education.

So not to sound preachy, but I think its time the Arts got its due in the Indian Educational system. We are a society that produces way too many engineers and not enough poets.

Do you tell lies? And say that it's forever?

Winter break, dear reader, is a wondrous thing in the life of a B-school student. Especially so, if you're a 2nd year B-school student. The days stretch before you and you find you have nothing to do except check Facebook with zeal and upload your term photos with even more zeal. Ofcourse, if you happen to be one of those who haven't sorted that bit about "impending occupation" you will have nights with nervous sleep but really, even you will admit that there's so much time and not enough to do. Not that doing anything is necessary. Indeed, after being done with 6 week hectic terms, where one is chasing one team meeting after another, plotting violent ends to said team meetings, meeting deadlines galore - one is quite glad to be not doing anything. It becomes a time then, to stop, breathe and smell the metaphorical rose. Its a time to reflect upon things, indeed, take stock of the world and get out, however briefly, of the B-school bubble and ponder wordly things. If you are me, you will do that and more. Like studying the lyrics of arbitrary songs and gleaning philosophical meaning from it.

Yes, given that I had so much time, I found myself asking what Def Leppard truly meant when they said "Love Bites" not just that, it even bled they said. It seemed a pertinent question given that the whole world except me was in Love. Numerous Relationship statuses changed, pink hearts emerged and you were led to thinking that Louis Armstrong was not chasing utopia and that it truly was a wonderful world. Or was it?

I may not know a lot of things but I do know Love. Well atleast I knew it. I also know that nothing is as misrepresented in this world as love. I've never been able to fathom why all the material on this topic is primarily concerned with falling in love. So much so that, the world at large is in love with the idea of falling in love. It is the only pursuit. What about maintaining it? what about the dark side of love? why doesn't anybody talk about it? Thanks to movies and other media, we have constructed an ideal of what love should be. We are told that its happy and things will fall in place once we are in love. Anyone who has been in a relationship, will tell you that finding love is just the beginning of things, and its maintaining it that is a bitch.

The only movie that comes to mind that broached this topic - the dark side of love - was 500 days of Summer. Which didn't do too well at the box office because ofcourse it didn't have the stereotypic happy ending but for me the move had a realistic portrayal of Love in our complicated era. She didn't know what she wanted, and he was too enamoured with her too really see that she didn't love him as much as he did. My biggest pet peeve is that nobody warns you about the dark side.

No one tells you about relationship dynamics and how you're always striving to maintain the delicate balance of conceding and receiving. And what about compromise? and how you don't always get what you want because now you're in a team and are expected to take one for the team. Most importantly, no one ever talks about how self-diminishing love can be. The more you imbibe each other's interests and habits, the less individualistic you each become. Is that not a cause for worry? Is it not a bad thing to be guilt ridden for wanting something for oneself when it may not be in the best interest of your relationship? I've been there and wondered why there is no handbook on dealing with Love.

I may be rambling but what I'm trying to say is that we are taught to believe that finding love is the ultimate jackpot but may be its not. May be its not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Its a whole lot more complicated than what our rose tinted glasses allow us to see and may be, just may be, it is not so trite as changing that relationship status and getting that pink heart next to your name.

Digits

From across the bar, when our eyes met

I knew in an instant, that the scene was set

For us to tango into discovering each other.

When you said you liked Shakespeare

I said OMG! I *heart* King Lear,

And my heart beat quickened a bit (just a bit),

We talked about cars, wars and beatniks

And even supported the right party in politics,

This is unreal I thought.

I wanted time to stand still,

If only I could, with all my will,

But you had to leave. Sigh. “Call me” you said,

and on my extended palm you wrote your number,

I knew I’d dream about you in my slumber

(and, of our dozen babies, ofcourse)

Soon after, I decided to leave too,

But not before making a quick stop at the loo

All the while my heart was smiling.

I turned on the water to make my hands clean,

Don’t yell at me, it was a matter of hygiene,

I wasn’t thinking ok?

I couldn’t believe it, all I could do was stare,

No remnant of you, my palm was bare,

Unfortunately, it seems like we were never meant to be.

> 1000 words

If you haven't guessed, this is a pictoral blogpost, capturing some of my favourite pics and moments of 2010.

1. 2010 NCAA Basketball championships: Easily my most awesome event of the year. That epic last shot that wasn't, the celebration that followed at Cameroon, will forever be etched in my mind. Hell it made my expensive education worth it.

2. Improv final performance: Acting silly and making people laugh can be the funnest experience. My improv team below where pigeons did make progress.

3. 2010 was filled with so much travel and such memorial experiences. Two of my favourite pics below. One from Brugge and one from Cairo

4. Re-discovering my passion for running through the beautiful WaDuke Trail. It is 3 miles long and my favourite running trail in the Durham area. Will miss it terribly.

5. Discovering The Duke West Campus thanks to my French Class. I got to see the magnificent Duke Chapel and the rest of the campus in the serene morning light. I loved starting my day with so much beauty to behold. Makes you appreciate life a whole lot more.

6. This was also a good year for collecting shoes. I'm literally gonna be the lady who lives with her shoes. My favourite pair of 2010. So pinkkk, it hurts :)

7. Also a year where I discovered my love for baking. Made cupcakes galore and this was my denouement. Aren't they pretty? they tasted awesome too FYI. The secret it turns out, is sour cream. Who da thunk?

8. Not so bad a year. A few ups, lot more downs. Good memories, painful memories. Hoping 2011, nay praying, really hard that 2011 is much better. Actually, the picture below sums my mantra for this year