War without the guns

Too too excited to write something new. Have been gripped by the usual nerves before such a cricket match. Actually hate cricket when it gets like this...sooo intense, so rivalrous and so much more than winning and losing. and it had to happen in the World Cup.

On an aside, I guess I'm too much of a sports fanatic. Sports and my team's outcome really matter to me. Duke crashed out of the NCAA basket ball tournament in the sweet sixteen round and for days after that I was in mourning. Still am. Still can't get over the shock loss..

ok..no more negative thoughts. On a positive note, the awesome aspect of matches such as these is that you know that your life will never be the same after such a match. The memory will stay with you. Whether it be a brilliant innings or a dropped catch, you will remember how it played out and where you were when things unfolded. Yes, regardless, its a special moment in time. And that indeed, is the beauty of sport.

Writing Project

Inspired by a friend who took upon herself to write something every day for 100 days, I'm embarking on a similar such mission, albeit, for a modest 30 days. I figure I'll be busier than busy in May with graduation and other formalities and so the reduced target.

But why the project in the first place? Because I need it to spark the creative part of my brain. I love creative writing. wait. make that loved. In school, we were asked to write essays on arbitrary topics, I remember salivating with glee, at the thought of conjuring up new worlds, situations and people. There was nothing more exhilarating than letting the imagination run wild. so much fun! But as my analytical side started to dominate due to engineering undergrad and work, I found my creative instincts starting to rust. And there it continued to languish, where now, I find myself dreading at the very thought of..you know..creating something. Where once I could conjure up a short story in a matter of minutes, now I can't even get myself to write a paragraph. So I need this project. to re-ignite my stunted creative side. The ultimate hope is that the constant writing will not only improve my ability to write but also make me comfortable once more in letting my imagination run.

On an aside though, notice my cop out in meeting today's writing ..ahem.. "Target." Instead of ravishing my 5 readers with fancy prose, I gave you a long winded explanation that is neither creative nor funny. so you see why I need to write more?

The Final Countdown

Here,I am, in the final leg of this 2 year journey called B-school. Only 5 more weeks to go before I graduate and I find myself in the "real" world. I want to say its been so much fun, yada yada but oddly enough B-school has made me more circumspect and (dare I say it) mature, to be able to be trite.

I can't quite put my finger on what within has changed but something in my core has changed. I have had lots of experiences that have shaped my experiences but very rarely have these profoundly impacted my core. But B-school did and so my ambivalence towards the whole thing.

I did give up a lot to be here. My life in my country, my family, my love and my friends. But,on the other hand, I also received a lot - new experiences, new friends, travel..erm "Business Acumen." At the end, I feel like recipient of a zero sum game. A game that extracts a lot of you but oddly enough leaves you richer because of the very extraction. Like what a person finishing a Marathon might feel like, I suppose. Every mile of the Marathon is more painful than the previous one, but on reaching the finish line, there is no trace of the pain. Only a magnanimous sense of achievement and relief.

B-school for me was not all sunshine for me primarily because it caused me to ask myself a series of uncomfortable, existential type questions. And more importantly I opened myself to these questions. Like, "what do I stand for?" or "Should I compromise and aim at getting any job or do go after what I'm passionate about?" and ofcourse, the piece de resistance of all existential quandries, "What AM I passionate about in the first place?"

I knew B-school was going to be the place where I re-calibrated myself. Not many people get the opportunity to do that and so I went about it with a rare resolve. I used these two years to find myself - what my beliefs were, what my passions were and where I wanted to be. I took risks and countless leaps of faith. I stumbled many times, but learned to raise myself up and walk again. I learned what it was like to stare at an abyss and even walked down a depressive spiral or two. I learned about people and how I deal with people. Finally, I learned my personal boundaries - what I would and would not do.

So If you ask me if it was "Fun." I'd say, probably not the best word to describe it. too trite. Now "Metamorphosis" now, that has a great ring to it. I literally feel different from the Me of two years ago. I don't know what changed but something did, at a very profound level.

So,was it worth it then? since we're all in the business (pardon the pun) of cost-benefit analysis and the like, I have only one answer. And I have no ambiguity in answering this.

HELL YEAH!

When the sun un-hides

Dark clouds cause rain,
Dark clouds are tough and when it smothers you,
It forces you to wallow in the pain
Dark clouds are bereft of soul
Dark clouds are dark and when you can’t see,
the darkness seems cruel
Dark clouds kill hope
Dark clouds are dense and when it strangles your heart,
it feels like you can’t cope
Dark clouds are angry,
Dark clouds are fiery and when it thunders,
all you want to do is bury
But it is also true that dark clouds don’t last forever

A Beautiful Day

The tables are a-glitter in sunshine,
The umbrellas fluttering sublimely,
Sitting by myself in a café, contemplating life,
The only person I want to be with is ME

My Precocious, Precious 6 Year Old

Dear Bloggie,

I don't know what caused me to give birth to you on 5th November of 2004. I think it was the restlessness that comes with being 21 or may be it was the need to have a creative outlet while doing engineering, but whatever it was, my beautiful bloggie, you were born and since then have been my one constant love. Yes not even my shoes. (you have to take my word for it, I'm afraid)

I'm bad at commemorating milestones. I forget anniversaries and birthdays and I forgot your birthday too (sorry!). I only remembered that you'd turned 6 when I was mentioning you to somebody, when she asked me about when I'd started blogging and that was when I remembered!

Dear God, has it been 6 years my love? 6 years since we started keeping a record of my life, my activities (heh!), my loves (double heh!) and my view on life? I want to say that despite the crests and troughs of life, having you as a constant keeps me moored.I can look back at the times and see how far I've come, see my evolution actually. Its wonderfully weird to see your own pattern of evolution. I think its the scientist's daughter in me that looks at various blog posts of the past and analyzes how I changed and where I changed. Pretty cool neh?

But I digress, this is about you and why you're important to me. Calling you just an outlet to my creative outpourings would be mean and belittling you. No. You see I think a lot. I've always been that kid thats been lost in thought. My head is filling up with sentences and my thoughts are flashing at the speed of light. To bring order to chaos, and partly to empty my head of these sentences, I start to write. To give them order and coherency. and thats when clarity happens. Like magic. They come together like obedient wards and align themselves into a marvelous whole. Before I know it, I have expressed an opinion and created something meaningful. Its like giving birth and thats why you need to be celebrated. You are truly my offspring.

I get to create thoughts and opinion and see them manifest themselves in you. You need to be revered because frankly, how many of us create? or even care to create? We are a world that idolizes rationale and logic. But not so much creativity. Parents don't tell their children to be poets or artists sadly. Creativity is a wondrous thing and it is ghastly that the world does not acknowledge or give rightful due to a process where you are essentially creating something from nothing. While rationale is discovery, creativity is invention. You, my dear, are magic and that's why the ode to you. You are my rebellion and my release. When I'm mired in calculation, I come to you for redemption and you let me be without judgment. My own little cocoon in this vast web.

I don't feel stymied in your presence, In fact I exult. I'm at my best, my most confident with you. My general awkwardness vanishes before you and I feel like an unencumbered conduit, pouring out emotions. You have no Idea how indebted to you I am for this. It is as much a safe haven as it is exhilaration.

I could list numerous reasons of why you are precious to me and if something were to happen to the server on which you're stored (Heaven forbid!), I would truly experience the loss of an offspring.

My favourite author/literary personality Oscar Wilde said that to love oneself was the beginning of a lifelong romance. You are indeed that.

Love,

A

The Defense of Liberal Arts

I was watching The King's Speech the other day, (brilliant movie btw, C.Firth is delishh!) and there is this bit where Firth's character, who has a speech impediment, has to recite a Shakespearean verse to his speech therapist, Geoffery Rush. The verse happened to be the eponymous verse from Hamlet, the one that everyone and their uncle claim to understand - To be or Not to be. At first glance, it seems a random verse but in the context of the movie, where Firth's character, George the sixth, is struggling to come to terms with his own existence as as a stammering, public speaking royal, the verse is extremely significant. It was an odd coincidence but it reminded me of the time I studied Hamlet in school whilst battling my own existential quandry. At that time, when I read the verse, I remember thinking that if there was someone more uncertain about things than Hamlet, it was me.

I shone all through school because of the diversity of the subjects we were studying. I loved that the specificity of science was balanced by the abstract hindsight of History. So through school, from standard 1 to standard 10, you could say I was thoroughly intrigued. So in standard 11 and 12 when I had to make a choice of what I wanted to concentrate in - whether Science, Commerce or Arts, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do simply because I had no measure of what I excelled in and what I didn't. I was sort of an all rounder and as everyone knows, there's nothing worse than the fate of an all rounder.

I chose to concentrate in Science simply because it had an aura of sagacity to it. Also, it seemed like the most logical thing to do because I grew up in an extremely scientific household. No-brainer it seemed. Unfortunately though, all my friends got separated into the other sections. You see, they had a much better idea of what their strengths were and appropriately chose to play to their strengths. A most excellent strategy, if I may so comment. So while I learned the irrefutability of science, they learned to glean insights from abstract prose. While I learned the rules of calculus, they were debating the importance of the UN in the modern era. I always felt short changed when I hung out with them. Their learning seemed to evolve with them while mine was fixed and centered around the rules of the universe.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my courses. Learning about the building blocks of the universe and the rules that govern them is a wondrous thing in itself, but I rued the fact that there was no room for debate or discourse. E was always going to be equal to MC^2 and that certainty sucked. so I hung out with them - the wannabe poets, the budding political analysts, the specious economists and was awash in their glow. I remember lying out in glorious sunshine, on the lawn outside a 150 year old building where our classroom was, and listening to my best friend recite "The Lady of Shalott" I comprehended for the first time what unrequited love must feel like thanks to Lord Tennyson. It made me wonder. It put me in another's shoe. I sat in on classes when they read poetry which introduced me to poets such as Phillip Larkin, D H Lawrence, Tennyson, and ofcourse T S Eliot. I remember being in agony when I found out that I had missed out on a poetry class where they spent 3 class hours decoding "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock" I had read it and re read it, and each time, I came off gleaning something new, something abstract. I argued politics with them, we discussed the middle east peace process and took sides on which country had the most functioning democracy.

These discourses ripped open my certain world in science. There was no right or wrong but you learned to form an opinion or an insight. I was learning to make up my mind and defend them instead of having certainties handed down to me. I learned more about life outside the class and slowly started getting disenchanted with my own studies. I got caught up in an existential crisis that behooved a teenager - what did I want in life - certainty of logic or the uncertainty of the abstract? to be or not to be? I couldn't agree with Hamlet more.

When I look back on what made the most impression on me in those years, it was the Arts. Poetry, literature and political science.I don't remember now what a benzene ring looks like or how the carbon molecule concatenated, but I do know that the arts taught me to appreciate the philosophy and absurdity of life. It gave me the liberal outlook I still possess and transformed me as a person. From a world of black and white, I embraced the grey. I couldn't have asked for a greater gift from my education.

So not to sound preachy, but I think its time the Arts got its due in the Indian Educational system. We are a society that produces way too many engineers and not enough poets.

Do you tell lies? And say that it's forever?

Winter break, dear reader, is a wondrous thing in the life of a B-school student. Especially so, if you're a 2nd year B-school student. The days stretch before you and you find you have nothing to do except check Facebook with zeal and upload your term photos with even more zeal. Ofcourse, if you happen to be one of those who haven't sorted that bit about "impending occupation" you will have nights with nervous sleep but really, even you will admit that there's so much time and not enough to do. Not that doing anything is necessary. Indeed, after being done with 6 week hectic terms, where one is chasing one team meeting after another, plotting violent ends to said team meetings, meeting deadlines galore - one is quite glad to be not doing anything. It becomes a time then, to stop, breathe and smell the metaphorical rose. Its a time to reflect upon things, indeed, take stock of the world and get out, however briefly, of the B-school bubble and ponder wordly things. If you are me, you will do that and more. Like studying the lyrics of arbitrary songs and gleaning philosophical meaning from it.

Yes, given that I had so much time, I found myself asking what Def Leppard truly meant when they said "Love Bites" not just that, it even bled they said. It seemed a pertinent question given that the whole world except me was in Love. Numerous Relationship statuses changed, pink hearts emerged and you were led to thinking that Louis Armstrong was not chasing utopia and that it truly was a wonderful world. Or was it?

I may not know a lot of things but I do know Love. Well atleast I knew it. I also know that nothing is as misrepresented in this world as love. I've never been able to fathom why all the material on this topic is primarily concerned with falling in love. So much so that, the world at large is in love with the idea of falling in love. It is the only pursuit. What about maintaining it? what about the dark side of love? why doesn't anybody talk about it? Thanks to movies and other media, we have constructed an ideal of what love should be. We are told that its happy and things will fall in place once we are in love. Anyone who has been in a relationship, will tell you that finding love is just the beginning of things, and its maintaining it that is a bitch.

The only movie that comes to mind that broached this topic - the dark side of love - was 500 days of Summer. Which didn't do too well at the box office because ofcourse it didn't have the stereotypic happy ending but for me the move had a realistic portrayal of Love in our complicated era. She didn't know what she wanted, and he was too enamoured with her too really see that she didn't love him as much as he did. My biggest pet peeve is that nobody warns you about the dark side.

No one tells you about relationship dynamics and how you're always striving to maintain the delicate balance of conceding and receiving. And what about compromise? and how you don't always get what you want because now you're in a team and are expected to take one for the team. Most importantly, no one ever talks about how self-diminishing love can be. The more you imbibe each other's interests and habits, the less individualistic you each become. Is that not a cause for worry? Is it not a bad thing to be guilt ridden for wanting something for oneself when it may not be in the best interest of your relationship? I've been there and wondered why there is no handbook on dealing with Love.

I may be rambling but what I'm trying to say is that we are taught to believe that finding love is the ultimate jackpot but may be its not. May be its not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Its a whole lot more complicated than what our rose tinted glasses allow us to see and may be, just may be, it is not so trite as changing that relationship status and getting that pink heart next to your name.

Digits

From across the bar, when our eyes met

I knew in an instant, that the scene was set

For us to tango into discovering each other.

When you said you liked Shakespeare

I said OMG! I *heart* King Lear,

And my heart beat quickened a bit (just a bit),

We talked about cars, wars and beatniks

And even supported the right party in politics,

This is unreal I thought.

I wanted time to stand still,

If only I could, with all my will,

But you had to leave. Sigh. “Call me” you said,

and on my extended palm you wrote your number,

I knew I’d dream about you in my slumber

(and, of our dozen babies, ofcourse)

Soon after, I decided to leave too,

But not before making a quick stop at the loo

All the while my heart was smiling.

I turned on the water to make my hands clean,

Don’t yell at me, it was a matter of hygiene,

I wasn’t thinking ok?

I couldn’t believe it, all I could do was stare,

No remnant of you, my palm was bare,

Unfortunately, it seems like we were never meant to be.

> 1000 words

If you haven't guessed, this is a pictoral blogpost, capturing some of my favourite pics and moments of 2010.

1. 2010 NCAA Basketball championships: Easily my most awesome event of the year. That epic last shot that wasn't, the celebration that followed at Cameroon, will forever be etched in my mind. Hell it made my expensive education worth it.

2. Improv final performance: Acting silly and making people laugh can be the funnest experience. My improv team below where pigeons did make progress.

3. 2010 was filled with so much travel and such memorial experiences. Two of my favourite pics below. One from Brugge and one from Cairo

4. Re-discovering my passion for running through the beautiful WaDuke Trail. It is 3 miles long and my favourite running trail in the Durham area. Will miss it terribly.

5. Discovering The Duke West Campus thanks to my French Class. I got to see the magnificent Duke Chapel and the rest of the campus in the serene morning light. I loved starting my day with so much beauty to behold. Makes you appreciate life a whole lot more.

6. This was also a good year for collecting shoes. I'm literally gonna be the lady who lives with her shoes. My favourite pair of 2010. So pinkkk, it hurts :)

7. Also a year where I discovered my love for baking. Made cupcakes galore and this was my denouement. Aren't they pretty? they tasted awesome too FYI. The secret it turns out, is sour cream. Who da thunk?

8. Not so bad a year. A few ups, lot more downs. Good memories, painful memories. Hoping 2011, nay praying, really hard that 2011 is much better. Actually, the picture below sums my mantra for this year

Time to turn back and descend the stair

Last day of the year, last night actually and I'm here, tired but happy, in my jammies. No major plans to ring in the new year, no major parties and no annoying confetti that gets stuck in your hair. I spent the whole day today at Universal Orlando theme park and had a sooper fun day. I'm tired as hell because I spent the whole day walking around the massive park, especially the Harry Potter theme park - doing the rides and waiting in abominably long queues. I have to say, as a maniacal Potter fan, the Harry Potter Theme Park at Orlando is awesome! They replicated Hogwarts, Hogsmead and Diagon Alley. We, my friend, her mother and I,went around drinking butter beer and eating sweets from, Honeydukes, the sweet shop. My favorite "ride" of the park was the "Forbidden Journey" ride, which took us through the Hogwarts castle, and finally culminated in a roller coaster ride to simulate what flying on a broom felt like. Seriously awesome! So thats why we are too tired to go out and preferred to chill at home instead.

Instead of reviewing the year that has gone by, I've instead decided to revisit some memorable events - good and bad in 2010

I really enjoyed the Improv class I took in Jan. This came right after a brooding winter break and it managed to draw me out emotionally. It was so much fun and lighthearted. Also, it gave me the opportunity to let my hair down and just live in the moment. My improv team put up a show at the end of the class and I couldn't believe that was me, being silly and not being too conscious about it. Good Fun!

I traveled quite a bit this year, and although I didn't write about it extensively, my favourite trip this year was to Belgium and Netherlands with my best friend since school, Amrita. We had a rocking girls trip to Amsterdam but my favourite memory of the trip was us going clubbing on my last day and getting mad drunk. I still remember us being in that cab, at 4 am, on the way to her apartment, and Amrita went "You need to blog more. Promise me!" I told her I loved her and promptly passed out. Everytime I hit "Publish" on my blogposts now, I see her, in my minds eye, nodding her head in approval. Love you babe!

I also went home to India in May primarily because it was my Dad's 60th birthday and we planned to throw him a surprise party. I was really excited about going back because I imagined the reception I would get. Mom would smother me with embarrassing affection I thought and might possibly cry at the airport itself. When I did arrive, at 2 am in the night, to my unpleasant surprise, NO ONE came to receive me. They had forgotten!! I called them, from a pay phone at the airport and they woke up and went "Oh!" I waited after that for an hour, during which time, the airport security guard, took pity on me and commented that studying in the US didn't necessarily warrant for special treatment (!!!!) I was upset, primarily because, my brother, when he came home from Australia, always got the full blown airport reception.I felt cheated! Anyway, after that my parents spent the remaining four weeks being extra nice to me to make up for not being at the Airport. Dad also gave me access to his fully stocked bar, so basically, things brightened up considerably :)

I was in Delaware for the summer for my internship. This needed me to drive from Durham to Delaware in June. I had NEVER driven before coming to the US so I found the thought of driving 400 miles absolutely daunting. I remember starting out at 8 am in sheer nervousness and then gradually settling into the ride. At lunch, I dropped in to a MacDonald's outlet for the first time ever in the US and found that I couldn't decipher the menu. Give me my McAloo Tikki anyday, I said, quietly to myself. After lunch, I drove for 3 hours straight and reached Delaware.This was a huge milestone for me because I felt like I achieved something. It felt like I had broken the shackles and become really independent. All my life I had either been driven around or relied on public transport. Driving such a long distance, made me feel strong and confident. Yay!

As I blogged before, my birthday came during Finals week and so I had two finals on my birthday. Inspite of that people turned up for my birthday soiree, which really meant a lot to me. But the gesture that did it was, Fida, the proprietress, of Saladelia, giving me a Tiramisu Cake for my birthday. She said that she knew how it felt to spend a birthday without your family (say awwww). The kindness of strangers continues to astound me and reminds me that a little kindness goes a long way.

In Year 2 of school, I consciously decided to cook more. I not only baked more but also got into the habit of cooking Indian food more. My biggest culinary feat was cooking for dinner party of 6 in December. I couldn't believe how grown up I'd become! and I couldn't believe people were eating my food and saying it was delicious. I was relieved to know that the cooking gene that runs in my family had not by passed me. I agree that I might have drwan the shorter straw in this area because my Mom, Dad and brother are brilliant cooks but I'm not so bad myself.

2010 was certainly eventful. It felt like I took two steps forward and one back. It was a roller coaster of a year. Here's hoping that the next year will be a much happier and joyous one for you and me.

Happy New Year!

There's no sunshine when its gone

Let me be absolutely honest and say that when it comes to cricket, I'm not the most ardent Indian cricket fan one could hope to find. I don't remember memorable match plays, I don't obsess over our victories or losses, hell I'm not even up to speed with the composition of the Indian team sometimes. But, whatever, my level of affiliation, Cricket has always been a part of my life - it was for the past 26 years atleast - through its ubiquitous presence on TVs, Newspapers and Dinner table discussions.

It was hard to be oblivious to it because I had an older brother who was absolutely obsessed with it. So obsessed that I think he secretly harboured notions of being a cricketer one day. Well, not so secret because my brother actually played cricket inside the house and how he managed not to break anything, or send the food tray flying, still makes me wonder. Given this, I had no choice but to give in and let our TV be dominated by Cricket. And gradually, I found myself actually watching Cricket -out of my own volition.

My first memory of cricket, or rather my favourite first memory of cricket was the 1992 World cup in Australia & New Zealand. The cricket stadiums were picturesque and breadthtaking, while the cricket threw up some outlandish surprises -like New Zealand topping the league.I still remember my father's wonder in NZ looking invincible. "They have more sheep" he said. South Africa, coming back into the international arena looked like the only formidable opposition to NZ and there were loud murmurs of our own boy wonder -Sachin Tendulkar. He was a phenomenon no more, but the anointed son who would save Indian Cricket. Anybody who could stand up to Merv Hughes and his ilk was surely, that? When I look back, I think the 1992 world cup was instrumental in burgeoning my love for cricket. It showed me the power of the under dog (insert Pak reference here), the perils of being cocky (Australia as always), the vagaries of chance (Duckworth -Lewis system) and the heartbreak of defeat (South Africa's loss in the Semis). I think that world cup reeled me into the world of Cricket for good.

I sort of consider myself lucky that I saw India's ascendancy in cricket while I was growing up and that I got to see Sachin Tendulkar's career. On hindsight, they both are highly co-related methinks. For me atleast, the glory years of Indian cricket were from 1996 - 2005. Well, 2005 was the year I graduated college and the last year I followed cricket doggedly. I remember the 1996 world cup hosted my India vividly. Expectations were higher than the 1992 world cup and after we defeated Pakistan in Bangalore, thanks to Venkatesh Prasad's epic dimissal of Aamir Sohail, all of us were sure that we were going to clinch it. In school (my conservative methodist all girls school), they even started broadcasting the cricket commentary over the intercom!! such was the mania. Sadly, we lost, uncomprehendingly, to Sri Lanka, the eventual winners. That for me was the beginning of Indian Cricket's See-Saw era. The team would give us giddying wins and immediately, with the next match infact, plunge us into despair with soul shattering losses. The words "inconsistent" and "lack of killer instinct" got bandied about regularly.

My favourite cricket memory is undoubtedly the 1999 world cup and the India Vs Sri Lanka match. That day is etched in my memory because two new gems, Dravid and Ganguly, schooled Sri Lanka and my board exam results were also announced on the same day. I couldn't veer myself away from the TV to even see how I did in what I thought were my seminal exams. I actually asked a friend to see my results at school. She didn't get back to me and so I had to, ask the brother to drive me to school. He cursed me and the school board for taking him away from that brilliant match play. He didn't forgive me even when he became the brother of the school topper. He still cursed me. That day was a great day.

As an Indian cricket fan, you got used to the dizzying heights and the abysmal lows. You became a tempered soul that never rejoiced too much, like when they won the Natwest Trophy against England. You knew that it wouldn't be long before they lost to lowly Bangladesh. You became one who could meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same.This also became your philosophical point of view. It did become mine. I never got too excited by my own personal successes and not too disappointed by my failures. When the team lost several series in succession, you learned to have faith and believe and were rewarded with an outstanding series win. The Indian team showed you that to have a heart was also a great thing. I can remember so many innings were there was a lone Indian batsman who showed heart and stood up to wild inswinging bowling while his team collapsed around him. Being an Indian cricket fan taught you valuable life lessons. It taught you the value of patience, of lessons in failure, of not being swayed by success, of celebrating little things like glorious stroke play and not being focused on the result itself.

I can't remember when exactly, but gradually Indian cricket started weaning itself away from Sachin Tendulkar and the Fab Four. I remember feeling a twinge of sadness when India started winning matches without a significant contribution from Sachin. The infusion of the younger brigade made the Indian team a lot more resilient and hardy. Cricket also became incredibly commercialized. The tours became numerous and the formats became confusing. That monstrosity called T20 made its presence and for me it became cricket overdose.Thats when I exited out of viewing cricket but not following it.

Inexplicably, my favourite format is the Test format of cricket. I love test matches more than anything and I find it annoying when people ask me how a game could last for 5 days. Test match for me is the epitome of cricket and incorporates strategy, patience and sublime technique. Its the unhurried version. A version where you'll see the purest of pure cover drives, one that might come 2 hours into an innings but will be totally worth the wait. I mentally ready my Decembers to be inundated with Test cricket. I always look forward to test cricket in Australia as the year end treat. Nothing compares to watching a test match played on lush green outfields, in brilliant sunny weather and with raucous fans with the most outrageous banners/signs. An overseas Indian test match victory for me is more memorable than ODI victories because a test match match victory is hard earned, more laboured and less subject to vagaries of chance.

I will never forget our Test match victory against Australia in Perth. in PERTH. I remember jumping in glee when we won because we had done it. Broken our overseas jinx and achieved a win at Perth, the bounciest mofo of a pitch. I remember how commentators analyzed and dissected the victory, I read reams written about the victory, saw TV debates on whether that was the greatest Cricket team India had ever produced and I remember my brother's excited voice. The rest of the tour was bloody brilliant too. We won the ODI series and defeated Australia in Australia.

Being in the US, I miss cricket. I miss not finding it on my TV as I channel surf, I miss post-match analysis and even, dare I say it, the excited-flawed commentary of Charu Sharma. I hate reading live match plays on websites and imagining what the shot might have been. Most of all I miss watching it with my family. How I'd pace like a restless animal when a match got tense, while my brother and Dad watched with searing concentration. My mother, an ardent fan too, would talk annoyingly and give her take on what the team should do next. The three of us, my brother, Dad and I, would catch each other's eye and have the same thought -If they made Mom the coach of the Indian cricket, that would indeed be the day.

After India's spectacular win in Durban yesterday, missing these Cricket moments makes me realize that not being able to watch cricket is a form of home sickness too. Sad that.

Dispatches from Cairo

I know this post on my Egypt trip comes a bit late, but I always feel like its necessary to summarize a trip - revel in the good memories, go EGAD!! at the unpleasant ones and make general tourist mental notes.

Tourist mental notes are observations that are priceless, that stick with you long after the trip is over - sort of like a sweet aftertaste. So here goes my list of notes. Also, I've put down my list favourite things to do in Egypt at the bottom.

1. First impression of Cairo happens when you are about to land - The whole city looks like its being excavated from the sand. It looks ancient and reverent. Actually the ancientness of the land permeates through whole of Egypt and it feels special to see sights that are older than time itself.

2. Egypt is a well oiled tourist machinery.The moment you land, chances are you'll find yourself in the warm embrace of your tourist guide who'll not only pick you up from the airport but will also chaperon you around all the sites.Yes, they will even accompany you to the sound and light show, because for some reason, they think you are not capable of comprehending a sound and light show without their "insights."

Well you may think that you could do without a guided tour, but sorry, you'll go crying back to a tourist agency because the entire tourist machinery is so strong that it is quite difficult to get around without one.

3. Egyptians love football. You will see it and hear it everywhere and whenever Football is on, the former is way more important than you, the tourist. So if your tour guide disappears to see a match. Suck it!

4. Seeing Cairo brought me flashbacks of the "English Patient." Both, the book and the movie. When we visited the museum of antiquities, with its giant marble staircases, I could imagine the place being the capital of excitement thanks to all the excavations. Yeah those archaeologists really dug Egypt. (pun intended)

5. That ancient Egyptians obsessed over their afterlife clearly can be gleaned after your visit to the Great pyramids. Surely, anybody who spends 20 years to plan life after death, deserves to be called obsessive. We also learned that ancient Egyptians packed their tombs with gold, clothes and furniture. Yes, furniture!!

6. Egyptians love Indians. Atleast, they say they do or it might be a tactic to get your money by making you feel you're special because you're Indian. When they see you, their Pavlovian response is "Amitabh Bachan." I. Have. No. Idea. Why. Everywhere we went, when traders/cab drivers/policemen saw us, they said "Amitabh Bachan." I dunno what that dude did, but he has mesmerized them Egyptians and they actually do get mad when you tell them that Amitabh Bachan is Old. like really Old. and is peddling AAA batteries on TV.

7. They may love Indians but they love bargaining even more. and boy are they stellar at that or what. I thought I was the master bargainer, but Egyptian traders made me work so hard for every item, that at the end I would have given anything to not bargain. So here's how the S.O.P went:

First they'll quote you an outrageous price - this is primarily to see what your counter offer is. Then you haggle. Then they'll halt the proceedings by offering you tea. Then they ask you questions on awkward topics like dating scene in India and premarital sex while you're drinking tea. You choke on the aforementioned tea and nearly die. You contemplate that a 30 Egyptian pound scarf is not worth dying over and so you halt proceedings, tell the trader that you agree to his price and walk out. with a scalded tongue. and ego. and scarf.

8. NO scarf is worth dying over. One should never have an ego about things when one is bargaining. Helps you walk away easily. Biggest lesson learned.

9. Don't take a Negotiations class in B-school. Bargaining in a souk will teach you that

10. Egyptians hate miserly tippers. Everybody here expects a tip for something or the other. The bulk of my expense was spent in tips. So I pulled the student card and explained why I'm a miserly tipper. So now they hate students more than miserly tippers.

11. My favourite memory is hearing the call to prayers. Its a sound so reverent, that it makes you pause and reflect.

12. Egypt has so many sites and so much history but one gets the feeling that there is not much pride in that history. Most Egyptians view the Pharoanic sites as a part of their pagan history and have sadly distanced themselves from it, given that it goes against Islamic tenets.

13. My other favourite memory was cruising down the Nile, docking at villages, visiting magnificent, ancient ruins and getting a history lesson. As a history buff, there is no bigger treat than Egypt.

14. I still can't fathom how erudite and knowledgeable ancient Egyptians were to build the things that they did and to leave the legacy that they did. Makes you realise that the human race is capable of great things if it puts its mind to it.

15. The single biggest reason I love travel is the insight it provides into people's lives. By eating the food they eat, learning about the lives they lead, their pet peeves and must do's, you get an exquisite peek into a life that you may never lead, but one that sure looks like a lot of fun.

My Favourite Things to do in Egypt:

1. Climbing inside the great pyramid of Giza.

2. Seeing the Christian quarter of old Cairo. Cairo infact has numerous ancient churches and it was quite revealing to see both Islam and Christianity co-exist in Egypt.

3. Seeing the original copy of "The Psalms" at the Coptic museum. This was a seminal moment for me as the book of psalms is my favourite biblical text.

4. Drinking Mint Tea and eating Kusheri, a yummy rice dish at the 14th Century Khan-El-Khalili Souk Market.

5. Visiting the Aswan High dam in Aswan. The dam is a construction marvel.

6. Visiting the Philae temple behind the Aswan dam. The Temple was carefully restored, piece by piece, on an island, after the original site was submerged due to the building of the dam.

7. Cruising down the Nile and stopping at small villages to visit ancient ruins. My favourite site has to be the magnificent EDFU temple. My jaws dropped when I first saw the 140 mts high entrance.

8. The valley of the Kings in Luxor and the magnificent paintings inside the tombs, including king Tutan Khamen.

9. Exploring the huge site of the Karnak temple at Luxor. It was the most important temple in ancient times and is a must visit for everybody.

10. Bargaining in Egyptian souks - taking in the myriad colours and scents

raison d'etre

So today, while I was in a frozen yogurt shop in Orlando called "Delish Frogen Yozurt," slurrping at my red velvet yogurt, I heard the most mellifluous voice one could hope to hear. I was surprised and could almost not believe that it was Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, singing Ave Maria, on the radio. I don't know if I should be sad or thrilled that "Ave Maria" has been relegated to that genre called "Christmas Music."

Ave Maria is special to me. Very very special. Ave Maria was the reason I fell in love with Opera. I first heard Andre Bocelli's version of Ave Maria on his album "The Sacred Arias." This album was a birthday gift from my once-best-friend-forever on my 17th birthday. It was a tape. I vividly remember calling it a night on my birthday, tucking myself in with my Walkman. Ave Maria was the first track on this tape and the moment I heard it, I think I experienced divinity. It made my soul soar and made me cry. It made me want to be a better human being. I had honestly felt nothing like it before. Thats why it is so special to me and thats why hearing it in a yogurt shop made me wee bit sad. But then again, if somebody else, heard it on the radio and felt what I did, it was probably a good thing.

Listening to it again, this time in the voice of Dame Kiri, took me back to that time in my life where I discovered so much music. I discovered Opera, Western Classical and Classic Rock when I was around 16-17. Every new genre was a revelation. A celebration of how much life had to offer. I miss that sorely these days. I miss being driven by intellectual curiosity actually. I miss reading voraciously and learning about the world. And all because I have commercial and not intellectual pursuits. sigh.

I was one of the very few people who absolutely loved school. I loved learning, giving exams and then moving into a higher class to learn some more. I thrived in that environment and was quite sad when it all ended when I completed engineering. What I liked most that I could clearly see an evolution in my intellect from one class to the next. Once I started working, it became harder to gauge if I grew as a human being. True, I gained valuable experience, but I could not clearly determine if I had become smarter or more worldly. Thats why I clung on to my reading habit. I viewed it as the only thing that would save my intellect from being stunted. I honestly believe that the more you know, the more you learn, the more empathetic you become. The more humane you become. That is kind of a big deal no?

I know I'm meandering a bit but listening to a beautiful opera piece, a piece I first heard as a seventeen year old, made me realize that I've not experienced the joy of discovering something seminal in a long time. I miss reading books that changed my world view, or music that stopped me in my tracks. I hate that those moments are fewer and far between.

Yeah, being a grown up sucks!

Proximity

I feel like I'm blind-folded,

groping in the dark,

searching for you and

that you're right in front of me

teasing.

Breathe and make yourself known.

In the cradle of civilization

So, the upshot of the things are that I'm in Cairo and blogging with all my blogger tabs in Arabic. I can just about make out the "Publish" button.

I'm here with my parents on a family vacation after about 5 years. Last time we went on a vacation, we got caught in a terrorist attack, this time hopefully, it will be less eventful.

Love Cairo so far. Managed to see the Egyptian Museum of Antiquities, the Pyramids of Giza and the sphinx! Climbing inside the great pyramid will easily count as one of my most memorable travel experiences! It was completely dark, unlit - felt like you were going into the nether region. We literally had to crawl forwards on all fours because of the low ceiling. You realize how much fun it must have been to be an archeologist discovering these pyramids.

I also loved the museum. The collection of egyptian antiquities is enormous. Scratch that. Ginormous. never seen anything quite like it. It was apparently setup in 1902 and was the first building in the world setup solely as a museum! walking up the marble stairs through the giant doors, one could imagine archeologists and egyptologists in the 1930s strutting around in excitement.

Our guide, was great and gave my family a full political download of Egypt as well as the history of egypt. Its hard to believe how exceedingly sophisticated and intelligent ancient egyptians were. Like ancient sites at Mohenjodaro and Harappa, Egypt displayed an extremely superior sense of architecture and civilization.

So my take away from the whole day was the while most people's ancestors where still swinging from the trees, these people where building pyramids. Incredible that!

Where Karma Fights Back

Due to certain events in the recent past, namely my laptop hemorrhaging on me and that my passport is still stuck in a certain embassy when I'm due to fly out on Saturday, I've come to believe in the powers of Karma's retribution.

Aditya Jalan, my trivia team mate in college and the awesome one-third of team tonic, once told me, that I had the "The Karma of a loud kettle in Buddhist Monastery." That statement was epic and it stuck with me because all of a sudden the events in my life made sense. He also said that HIS karma was that of a "curtain in a bhuddist monastery." and abhishek's (the final -third of team tonic) karma was that "of a well fed cat in a bhuddist monastery." The latter is definitely true. He is certainly well fed.

But coming back to my tryst with karma, I'll tell you why that statement makes sense.

1. For some reason, in this life I'm obsessed with Kettles. I like the way it looks and feels. When I'm at a Williams -Sonoma store, I stand infront of the kettle section and sigh. Those kettles are beautiful. Infact, there is a huge design competition in the culinary world on designing Kettles. When Kettles whistle, I find it utterly adorable. I never knew why till J made that statement. then it hit me. I MUST have been a kettle!

2. I identify with Kettles. They are quirky, chirpy, do-gooders, boiling water and saving the world one tea cup at a time. They don't have any grand illusions about their purpose in life, but yes, they do know how to boil water and take that purpose seriously, whistling merrily. Yes, if you happen to be in a monastery, one will find the whistling annoying but generally Kettles are peaceable blokes. One could do with a lot worse.

I am exactly like that - definitely quirky, not terribly ambitious, and enthusiastic about doing things most people would likely scoff at and find mundane. For example, I like washing dishes. I find that activity most therapeutic. Most people I know, hate that activity but not me, i'm internally whistling while washing dishes. Seeee the connection??

so given that I truly believe that I was indeed a kettle in a monastery and that undoubtedly must have caused the buddhist monks some discomfiture, I figure, I'll do well to simmer down a bit and lie low in this life.

So dear karma, I'm sorry. Give me a break and I promise the whistling will stop.

True Love

When I think about it,

I don't want dinners amidst candles

or

to walk down the aisle in a shower of confetti

or

even pictures of us as shiny happy people.

All I want is that when I look at you,

from across the room,

you get me.

Stuff that should be on my resume but is not..

1. Expert "Fire Fighter"

I'm sooo used to dousing out fires and explosive situations in real life that this is second nature to me. When shit hits the fan, they come to me. Sort of like the character "Wolf" in Pulp Fiction, but without the Lamborghini. (on an aside, I've had to really restrain myself from putting this on my actual resume, its an impressive skill no?)

2. Ability to spot obscure music bands before they eventually make it big

I knew Alicia keys before she was Alicia Keys..apart from her mother ofcourse. Being a music snob, I listen to artists that are out of the mainstream and abandon them after they become mainstream by which time they would have sold out to the whims of music labels anyway! If you don't believe me hit up Janelle Monae and Lisa Hannigan. I'm confident both of them are the next big thing. And ofcourse, willow smith, by virtue of being will smith's daughter. She is the next big little thing. (heh!)

3. Expert *insert any aerobic fitness activity* Dancer

Be it zumba, step or cardio dance fitness sessions, I have the uncanny knack for picking up the routines after watching it just once. yes you heard me right. just once. One will ordinarily not appreciate this talent but come to one of these fitness sessions and when you flail you arms and legs in an uncoordinated manner and look stupid, hit me up! It takes supreme hand-eye coordination, an innate ability to catch rhythm and comprehension of the language of aerobic fitness sessions. What language you ask? you have to know what "single, single, double", "belly dancer", "grapevine" "booty shake" mean to respond quickly and not look like a dork.

4. Charmer Extraordinaire

I say this because I'm a people person and generally can connect with anybody.Yes anybody. Even a hippie in a farmer's market and the dude at the Indian store. The indian-store dude near our house is so taken in by me that he gives me either cream biscuits or a can of Canada Dry (I have no idea why!) everytime I buy something from him.

5. Fashion Connoisseur

I love fashion and I read an obscene amount of fashion blogs to know exactly whats on trend and whats not. I've also become something of an online shopping expert, as in, I want a particular item, lets say sequined skirts, I know which online portal to turn to. I don't have the budget but I yearn for the day when I will. May be I should go after Nina Garcia's job! (smacks head!)

Other notable mentions:

1. Can run 3 miles after eating a heavy burrito

2. Geography whiz - Knows the name of that obscure lake in central asia that looks like a blob.

3. Expert knowledge of African politics including dictators with hard-to-pronounce names

4. Read books by obscure Literature Nobel Prize winners. (Like Naguib Mahfouz. Yes he won. honest!)

5. Online Scrabble Champion - It actually involves a ton of strategy. ok may not a TON but still...

Sadly,

Our love, my love

was strong and delicate.

Was.

Our love, my love

was loud and subtle.

Was.

Our love, my love

Was kind and harsh.

Was.

Now, it's like the fragrance

left behind, when the person is no longer there.

Still there but will fade eventually.