Fumbling Towards Ecstacy

stayed up late last night waiting for a sarah mclachlan torrent to finish downloading and im beginning to resent the fact that torrents are determining my waking hour. i have no idea what it is that prevents me from shutting the comp down and sleeping, but no, i can't leave for the life of me when 80% has been downloaded and the time remaning comes to an hour. this phase for me become psychologically critical, im hoping and praying fervently that the download rate continues, that no additional leecher comes and spoils my perfect world, all i want is for that bloody download to end, yes in this phase i start morphing into an obsessed psychopath

after getting broadband, i've noticed a huge change in my existencial well being. my state is determined by the health of my precious downloads, when one of my downloads is going particularly well, getting 15 KB/s, i feel so elated, rather like god's specially anointed angel, for whom the red sea of downloaders has parted to make way for an unobstructed download (DL from now on), and when some of them remain poised at 0%, life is filled with anxiety and existencial queries. i've noticed a rather scary phenomenon, when the DL reaches 99% i become really nervous, hoping that no destructive force on earth will come between that DL and me. i don't feel this possesive of any guy for that matter. these days oddly most of my DL's are getting stuck at 99%, leading to a whole day of restlessness, and sometimes even questioning the ineffable plan, (i did that for the CSNY DL)

thats half the story, once the album has been listened to, and if its not particularly enticing it opens another flood gate of issues, damn im unlucky in life or why do i get rotten quality etc, so i've devised my own method of time and more importantly emotion management. artists like alison krauss, REM, CSNY, rufus wainwright, fiona apple, pearl jam are generally good return on investment (time & emotion), where as radiohead, portishead, mazzy star, well it can sometimes get weird. i think i've become a sort of guru about the art of downloading and one cardinal rule is to read atleast 6 music reviews to really gauge how excited you must get about the album.
wait, am i really that weird?
well coming back to my sarah mclachlan DL, i can't express how excited i got about it. i almost nurtured it, made sure my other DL's didn't get in the way, kept the comp open for 7 hours refreshed my connection when i thought the speed was slowing down... well im extremely happy to state that she didnt disappoint, fumbling towards ecstacy is stellar, but then i've been in love with sarah's voice, i almost want to fall asleep enconsed by her voice, ah theres nothing like a good diva's voice first thing in the morning( ok i admit its noon now)
well im off to lunch with kay, and well the lil psycho me is happy, thanks sarah