Ze Burday Update

Well my plans of getting rich on my birthday backfired majorly. Instead, I ended up losing a lot of money, which has led me to abandon plans of ever mass advertizing the day of my birth again. I got the usual SMSes, Orkut/Facebooks scraps, calls, flowers, cards, chocolates but no Money and my birthdays, since time immemorial have always been about the money.

Before, I be accused of being a cold-hearted b***ch, let me plead my case. Ever since I was a kid, I have always gotten cash on this day. I never liked the presents that my relatives gave me. Either it was some silly puzzle book (people who give puzzle books to little kids should be shot, well to be fair... I used my puzzle book presents to gift other hapless kids..which in my opinion is the best way to use terrible gifts) or a book I'd already read. I got a famous five book as a present once when I was 15!! This, when I was reading Dickens for goddsakes!! When I opened the gift wrapping and saw what was inside, I wanted to scream "Are you Kidding me???" So I decreed to everyone that it was in everybody's best interest that I get cash for my birthdays. I would be able buy what I wanted and good karma would follow the gift giver. Clearly a win-win for everybody. That's when the deluge started. Packets of cash stuffed envelopes from everyone, which went to ma for safe keeping. After combining the money from the Diwali bounty, I use to make my way to Gangarams, my pilgrimage spot in bangalore and buy tons and tons of books. I never used my birthday money to buy things other than books till I was in 2nd year college. So to cut a long story short, cash is what makes my Birthday a Birthday. Otherwise I see no point for this day to be celebrated. I don't like gift wrapped presents because 9 times out of 10, I get something I have no use for and I end up cursing people and their ilk till 2070.

So when yesterday, dawned, I waited to see if the usual suspects would offer cash again. Ok thats a terrible way to address family but I do it in jest. The parents called in promptly at midnight. They were very sweet and lovely. Then we came to the part about the presents. Last year I got a diamond solitaire from them so this year my expectations were understandbly higher. Ma said that I'd get my present when I came home in a couple of weeks. I was actually horrified and asked her if it was a "gift wrapped kind of present" she was talking about. My mother, god bless her, knows me and never judges my quirks. "Cash it is then" she said. My brother called later. He wished me first and promptly launched into a monologue on the cold he was battling. I behaved like a good sister and told him about my home remedies that he could use, while all the while thinking about how I could cut this crap and fast forward to the part where I'd be offered cash, in aussie dollars or Indian ruppees. I was actually trying to see which currency was more beneficial, given the current currency exchange rates. After finishing the tale about his epic battle, he asked me to have a great day and hung up. WTF!!!! I stared at the phone in disbelief. My own brother! Judas!! that was the story basically, all the relatives I knew, called me and asked me to have a great day. How the hell was I to have a "great day" when no one was giving me cash to have that proverbial "Great day" huh? Thats when it hit me. Thats what 25 means. You're grown up. You don't need cash and you ain't gonna get it either. I find it greatly unfair that just because I'm self sufficient and have a job, I'm not gonna get cash presents anymore!

So given the grand disillusionment, I only did what a girl in my place would do, I went shopping for the birthday dress. Ok let me warn all the boys reading, that this is the part where they should skip because it includes all the boring girly stuff. My bought a lovely black embroidered corsett top, which not only looked beautiful but also fit me like a dream. I cry and burst into happy tears when things fit me like a dream. I must clarify that I'm not overweight or anything, its just that I have unusual proportions. Large hips, large bosom and slender waist, all translates into fuck ups in the trial room. Infact there was time, several months ago when, a dress I had gotten into wouldn't come off. I was utterly horrified and was half afraid that the store people would tear me out of the dress and would make me pay for the shambles. I speed dialed the loved one in desperation. I knew there was nothing he could do given that he was what 800km away, but he is my wise person and I always turn to him when I have to extricate myself (quite literally in this case) from any situation. So I called him and explained the situation. He calmed me down and told me that if I had gotten into it, it would very reasonable to assume that I could get out it too. Only this man could calm the madly blabbering and hyperventilating me with a booster shot of reason. I calmed down and got of the dress one boob at a time. It was actually very funny had it not been horrifying. Yes, so coming back to the birthday dress. It was gorgeous and I teamed it up with a beautiful pair of silver open-toes stilletoes (6 inches of glorious heels) from Charles & Keith. I looked all radiant and soo 25 and sorted type.

Dressed to kill, I took my friends and my roomate to La Dolce Vita for the birthday dinner and the dinner party gave me Milk Chocolates as a present. Now Milk Chocolates is actually worse than puzzle books. As far as birthday bounty was concerned this birthday was a disaster. I had a whole birthday register going. I had picked out what book I wanted, what shoes I wanted, but, nothing, except for a bunch of superfluous things I have no use for. All this has made me realize that once you're over a certain age, birthdays cease to be significant. It has all become so perfunctory. Apart from family and a few friends, nobody, including my closest friends, bothered to call. Yes, technically, I got tons of scraps on orkut and SMSes but I missed seeing or hearing the joy of it being my birthday being conveyed to me, like they used to in school. I loved birthdays in school, all the more, because my birthday always used to disappear in the diwali holidays and I was the only one who never got to wear a pretty dress or to whom the entire class sang along to the tune of "happy Birthday" :

"You were born in the Zoo
You were born in the Zoo
With the monkeys and the donkeys
...and you are one too"

But when my birthday did come on a school day it was fabulous. I used to be assaulted by bear hugs from all the other girls. My friends were genuinely happy for me and I was actually glad it was my birthday. In class 12, for example, the class got a cake and I cut the cake infront of everybody, complete with candle blowing, singing and all. A Funny incident that ocurred, was when I went to give a piece of cake to my physics teacher later. She asked me what my plans for the day were and I said, very deadpan-edly, "I'm planning to have an orgy tonight." Obviously, Mallu, physics teacher didn't understand what orgy meant and told me to "Have fun and enjoy every second." I'm sure I don't have many redeeming qualities in me but Chutzpah is one thing I have an abundance of.

So yesterday night, when I signed for the dinner bill, I realized what an Investment banker in Manhattan might feel like these days. You take certain steps expecting bounty and then you end up in the red horribly. Another life's lesson learnt the hardway. I realized that apart from the superfluous associations with Birthdays, it is also a day to look back and be thankful for. And I do have a lot to be thankful for, especially the people in my tribe who stand my wild rants and encourage me when I'm down.

The last thing I expected was to get wise on my 25th. Damn!