And they say this blog is "Self Obsessed"

I'll try for this not to be a rant. I said "t-r-y"

But what is it with the world and my name?? Everytime I tell anybody my name they look at me with utter befuddlement, with a look that says "Are you serious??". If I'm on the phone and I tell my name, there's this obvious pregnant pause at the other end and I know that the person is taking time to process the whole name, as if I'd said something like "Anastasia Chavetdatze".

I've had it with this behaviour. The other day I was on the phone with a vendor and I told her my name and she was like "Really? what does it mean?". That's another thing, the pregnant pause is always followed by the meaning of my name. I've not heard anybody asking anybody else for the meaning of their names. I don't ask anybody for the meaning of their names, but nooooo, when its me, they all want to know what it means and then there's the third step in "the Philosophy of my name" - The contradicting of the meaning. Its not hope but Doubt.

There was this incident (actually there are serveral, but we'll run with this as example) where my teacher and mam argued about my name, when dear old mam had come in to collect the report card. It wasn't pretty.

T: About your daughter's name, Its wrong, how can you call her doubt?
Mam (quite coldly): Its not doubt, its Hope
T: Ofcourse not, its mean doubt, there's no doubt about it hahahahahha
Mam (now positively glowering): I think as mother, I know better
T: Its still not too late to change her name. You could perhaps change it to "Akanksha" Thats not too bad.
Mam: Its still not too late to change your name either

Yeah, Go Mam!!! but I knew I wasn't gonna top the class anytime too soon.

Sigh, there are times I've wished my mother had given me a no brainer bollywood-esque name like Tania or riya. Has anybody asked a Tania what her name means? ofcourse not, it means shit and everyone knows it. I've gone to mam and complained about it and she feels kinda guilty too. She collects evidence of my name and scours the internet for my rare namesakes. There was this incident at frankfurt airport, where upon telling my name, the guy I was a making random conversation with said "oh! doesn't it mean hope?", I could have jumped over the table and kissed him for saying that. Suddenly, my existence was legitemized. I felt normal. and when I told mam about it, she wanted to kiss him too.

What snapped within me was yesterday. 4 complete strangers, at pragati maidan, spoilt delhi brats all, laughing upon hearing my name and making fun of it infront of me. Them being spoilt brats was incidental. It was everybody. Teachers, Classmates, Peers, Bosses, colleauges, everybody has done it. Made fun of it. Purposely made a mess of prouncing it wrong.They don't know that by doing it, by questioning my name, they are not only mocking mocking me but also mocking the two people who gave me the name and its just not done.

So, Fuck you all. There I've said it. FUCK YOU. If you think you know better