Contrary to expectations, being freshly single at B-school is not a very good thing. Firstly, being freshly single requires you to go through a sort of relationship rehab where you crawl into your corner and purge yourself of all the baggage and B-school by its very nature of habitual networking doesn't let you do that. Secondly, considering the average age at my school is 29, the pool of single men is extremeeeely limited. (as an aside, notice how I'm analyzing my single status?? Its all those cases I tell you!)
But jokes aside..its painful having to take all the school stress, internship stress and the stress of beating yourself up for a failed relationship. All of which leaves me wondering what my achievement in life is. I'm ALONE at 26 and thats the painful truth and its scary.
Being in a relationship spoils you. The "you" is obliterated and you start thinking like a team. Your experiences become "our" experiences and your decision becomes "our" decision. You stop thinking independently and every thought is shared. That's what hurts when you are single again. You have no one to turn to, no one to talk to and no one to whom you can vent out to without being judged. Its like being a unable to walk without crutches and falling.
Relationships may end but the emotional baggage doesn't. Till you purge it you can never really leave it behind and thats why all I want to do is hide and be away from the world. I want to rediscover being alone with myself again, to rediscover my own undistilled thoughts and finally come to a place where being alone is not so bad.
So till then, au revoir
