raison d'etre

So today, while I was in a frozen yogurt shop in Orlando called "Delish Frogen Yozurt," slurrping at my red velvet yogurt, I heard the most mellifluous voice one could hope to hear. I was surprised and could almost not believe that it was Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, singing Ave Maria, on the radio. I don't know if I should be sad or thrilled that "Ave Maria" has been relegated to that genre called "Christmas Music."

Ave Maria is special to me. Very very special. Ave Maria was the reason I fell in love with Opera. I first heard Andre Bocelli's version of Ave Maria on his album "The Sacred Arias." This album was a birthday gift from my once-best-friend-forever on my 17th birthday. It was a tape. I vividly remember calling it a night on my birthday, tucking myself in with my Walkman. Ave Maria was the first track on this tape and the moment I heard it, I think I experienced divinity. It made my soul soar and made me cry. It made me want to be a better human being. I had honestly felt nothing like it before. Thats why it is so special to me and thats why hearing it in a yogurt shop made me wee bit sad. But then again, if somebody else, heard it on the radio and felt what I did, it was probably a good thing.

Listening to it again, this time in the voice of Dame Kiri, took me back to that time in my life where I discovered so much music. I discovered Opera, Western Classical and Classic Rock when I was around 16-17. Every new genre was a revelation. A celebration of how much life had to offer. I miss that sorely these days. I miss being driven by intellectual curiosity actually. I miss reading voraciously and learning about the world. And all because I have commercial and not intellectual pursuits. sigh.

I was one of the very few people who absolutely loved school. I loved learning, giving exams and then moving into a higher class to learn some more. I thrived in that environment and was quite sad when it all ended when I completed engineering. What I liked most that I could clearly see an evolution in my intellect from one class to the next. Once I started working, it became harder to gauge if I grew as a human being. True, I gained valuable experience, but I could not clearly determine if I had become smarter or more worldly. Thats why I clung on to my reading habit. I viewed it as the only thing that would save my intellect from being stunted. I honestly believe that the more you know, the more you learn, the more empathetic you become. The more humane you become. That is kind of a big deal no?

I know I'm meandering a bit but listening to a beautiful opera piece, a piece I first heard as a seventeen year old, made me realize that I've not experienced the joy of discovering something seminal in a long time. I miss reading books that changed my world view, or music that stopped me in my tracks. I hate that those moments are fewer and far between.

Yeah, being a grown up sucks!