More Notes From China Trip

I know, I know it's been a month since I came back and my visa to milk this story has run out but things have been quite hectic and I'm in Hyderabad (Oh the new airport totally rocks) and a colleague's T-shirt has inspired me to blog so there...phew! and Also, I made a lot of mental notes which I thought I'd share and besides which one of you smart asses has been to china eh? and by the way things are going, you might soon end up working for the commies and then you'll thank me for these interesting notes.

So, for the interest of future prosperity, here it is in bullet point format:

1. Actually, I'll sneak in some singapore vignettes too, coz you see the genius me managed to sneak in some stop over time at Singapore. See apparently they let you into the country if you have a valid "white" country visa like Australia, USA, UK you get the point right? This visa is free and its diff. from visa on arrival

2. Singapore is mighty expensive. Fie on people who shop in singapore. Laught at them and tell them about this friend you know who got awesome stuff in china for just Rs 500. No kidding, when i got out of the airport, I went to the Raffles City Mall (but naturally since we are such a mall rat) and I almost died to find T-shirts costing 80 sing dollars. Thats like 3000 bucks. eesh. And if anybody raves about Topshop and the likes, again, tell them about this great friend you know who got Prada rip offs for Rs 500 in China so its really no big deal. (thats me btw, if anybody was wondering who this friend was)

(as an aside, I've always wondered about these supposed "friends" when people reference them in to bring credibility to some incredulous claim. Who ARE these people? how did they make it into common floklore and why do not have names and more importantly why am I not in this clique, when clearly they are looked upon with awe and stifled envy)

3. California Roll is not really really Sushi as it does not contain any raw fish and Imagine, just before I found this out, I declared to my bemused host that I aboslutely lurved lurved LOVED Japanese food especially, the california roll. Sometimes I have an IQ of a tomato

4. In china now and it must be mentioned that the chinese (Yes we are making sweeping statements here and that's not politicaly correct but who am I to be politically correct about the commies) come off as rude and quite often you are not sure if they are yelling at you or trying to sell you something or both. Assume the latter. Coz rude is when they try to spit at you for quoting a far below price when bargaining. This happened to me at the Great Wall and I escaped unhurt and without spittle

5. Language is a HUGE problem and the only way to get around is to put on a "Stoopid Foreigner Face" (Yeah thats when an IQ of Tomato helps) . Although, sign language may not help you much. The chumps at singapore airport threw my contact lens solutions off and I had to roam around the streets of Beijing looking for contact lens solution. Fun it was not, as, to explain, what I needed, I pretty often had to pretend like I had a horrible eye disease and hence needed a solution. Get it? EYE SOLUTION? No? they didn't either and everywhere I went, they got out some ghastly looking herbs. Till finally someone told me to go to a spectacle shop

6. Languge is however not a barrier when you are shopping oddly enough. Who knew the potential of the humble calculator to unify two races. Especially between that which won't give a bargain and that which can't live without a bargain. I got that from russel peters and he's so bloody spot on. When you tell the vendors an outrageous price, they all go NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If the calculator can diminish the language barrier, you have no idea what the mention of Gucci can do to you. Do not for heavens sakes yell out Gucci or Rolex, for you'll be swamped with vendors of fake goods and they'll pull you, assault you, pummel you till you buy it from them

7. Chinese are good at faking things. They can imitate the crap out of anything. I heard that they even had imitation Ferraris. They are soo good at faking, that one day they'll even fake your orgasm for you.

Ok I've been dying to put that out there for ages (hehehe)

8. The food is heavenly but why the Chopsticks??? and who thought that eating food with 2 sticks was a good idea and why did a billion people buy the idea? I say this not out of contempt but out of frustration. Lets say that I was not exactly adroit with the chopsticks and lot of good food slipped through the cracks. A LOT of food. Why can't they copy the good things about western civilization, like Spoon for example?

9. If you see a Bank of China gathering, prostitute yourself if need be and get inside somehow. For these guys dish out the whole deal. Opera and complete string orchestra at the Great Wall of china complete with champagne and stuff. I saw this and I really wanted to part of the chinese creme de la creme. Only briefly and my democratic, human rights self reared its pretty head again

10. Thats the things about China, it brings your nationality and culture into sharper focus. You don't feel like an individual but like some kind of ambassador dressed in dowdy tourist-y clothes. May be its because I'm a proud Indian and there's so much being bandied about the two countries. May be its because I live in a democratic society or may be its because they fucked us in 1965. May be its all of the above Or may be I really do have the IQ of a tomato